She wanted to be an architect.
She ended up as an Airforce wife.
Tag: wife
Messages
Even my sales copy is a message of love for my future wife.
Why do you think I hate people messing with it?
Wife
I took a wife when I was twenty-six.
Not my wife, of course.
Confession
Before we were married I once tied her up, blindfolded her and fucked her hard.
More confessions I’ll never tell my wife.
The Dog That Speaks English
Phoebe – a small dog who wasn’t known for her jumping abilities – wasn’t allowed on the furniture but after begging every night, her female owner finally said, “OK, Phoebe, if you can make it onto the bed by yourself, then I’ll let you stay up here.” Moments later Phoebe used all her might and jumped on the bed; her female owner turned to her husband and said, “See, I told you she speaks English.”
The Intruder
Angela was consumed with fear each time her husband left the house thanks to the increase in crime in her neighborhood so she secretly bought a gun to protect herself. One morning the security alarm went off so Angela ran down the stairs and shot the shadowy figure that was trespassing; Angela turned on the light only to find her husband lying in a pool of blood holding a bouquet of roses.
Baker
After the gingerbread man came to life do you think the baker made another?
Did he make himself a wife?
Naked
I didn’t lie to my wife about the night out.
I mean, they’re not really strippers if they arrive naked, right?
Timing
I rang a share house once to see if the room was still available.
Three years later when I met the girl who would become my wife she turned out to be the girl who said “sorry it got taken over the weekend”.
Clockwork
My clockwork wife and I are pretty happy.
We do wind each other up occasionally.
Twinge
I used to have dreams, hopes, feelings, and morals.
Now I have a really nice car, a house, a wife, and the occasional twinge of guilt.
Rethinking My Motives
As I woke to the oddly-smelling, dirty motel room, I reflected on why I was here. It was all because of an argument, and now there was a strange woman with me in a strange place, and I had an odd-looking rash where rashes oughtn’t be; why do these things happen to me?
Wife
My wife is made of folded paper.
I love her creases.
Wife
My wife thought she knew me.
So funny what people think.
The Ironic Move
She waited 15 years to finally have stability and even begged her husband to get a stable job so she could get out of God forsaken Wales – a beautiful country with hardly any crime. Unfortunately, they wound up moving to Houston – an ugly city with nothing but crime.
Classified
I will exchange my 50-year-old wife for two 25-year-old.
(Un)faithful
He scratched the top of his ring finger. His wife wouldn’t like that he had taken it off.
Duties
A few days after her funeral, he was heading to pick the kids up from school when he got a call.
It said “Don’t worry honey, I got them”.
The Obtuse Moose
The chartreuse noose that hung from the gnarled spruce grew tight ‘round the neck of the obtuse moose.
His imminent mortality led him to deduce that alcohol abuse was no excuse to seduce the farmer’s wife.
Didn’t ask, won’t tell
I wasn’t lying when I told him I didn’t dance with another man. But he didn’t ask me if I kissed one.