Angela was consumed with fear each time her husband left the house thanks to the increase in crime in her neighborhood so she secretly bought a gun to protect herself. One morning the security alarm went off so Angela ran down the stairs and shot the shadowy figure that was trespassing; Angela turned on the light only to find her husband lying in a pool of blood holding a bouquet of roses.
Tag: wife
Baker
After the gingerbread man came to life do you think the baker made another?
Did he make himself a wife?
Naked
I didn’t lie to my wife about the night out.
I mean, they’re not really strippers if they arrive naked, right?
Timing
I rang a share house once to see if the room was still available.
Three years later when I met the girl who would become my wife she turned out to be the girl who said “sorry it got taken over the weekend”.
Clockwork
My clockwork wife and I are pretty happy.
We do wind each other up occasionally.
Twinge
I used to have dreams, hopes, feelings, and morals.
Now I have a really nice car, a house, a wife, and the occasional twinge of guilt.
Rethinking My Motives
As I woke to the oddly-smelling, dirty motel room, I reflected on why I was here. It was all because of an argument, and now there was a strange woman with me in a strange place, and I had an odd-looking rash where rashes oughtn’t be; why do these things happen to me?
Wife
My wife is made of folded paper.
I love her creases.
Wife
My wife thought she knew me.
So funny what people think.
The Ironic Move
She waited 15 years to finally have stability and even begged her husband to get a stable job so she could get out of God forsaken Wales – a beautiful country with hardly any crime. Unfortunately, they wound up moving to Houston – an ugly city with nothing but crime.
Classified
I will exchange my 50-year-old wife for two 25-year-old.
(Un)faithful
He scratched the top of his ring finger. His wife wouldn’t like that he had taken it off.
Duties
A few days after her funeral, he was heading to pick the kids up from school when he got a call.
It said “Don’t worry honey, I got them”.
The Obtuse Moose
The chartreuse noose that hung from the gnarled spruce grew tight ‘round the neck of the obtuse moose.
His imminent mortality led him to deduce that alcohol abuse was no excuse to seduce the farmer’s wife.
Didn’t ask, won’t tell
I wasn’t lying when I told him I didn’t dance with another man. But he didn’t ask me if I kissed one.
Endgame: Affair
It’s been fun babe, but sorry. Your best friend deserves his wife’s fidelity.
Impromptu Divorce
I’m free; what have I done?
This dichotomous thought occurred to the knife-wielding man as he stood over his newly murdered wife’s corpse, wondering what he should do next.
Wife by Day
Tiffany slid off her ring and set it gently on top of the dresser every night just before going to bed. She was a wife by day; dreamer, by night.
A Bath for Bill
In retrospect, I’d say that travelling was quite similar to using a new bath salt: exciting at first because it’s new and different but then you’ve been in too long and your fingers start to prune and get all nasty just like they do for any other bath you’ve ever taken – but I have to admit, Bill’s excitement to see Barcelona and Santorini, Cairo and Istanbul, Tokyo and Singapore, Auckland and Ushuaia and all those other places I’ve already been to not once but thrice, seems to have reignited an excitement in me that I rendered long gone. Although I desperately long to settle down and stay right where I am for once in my life, Bill gave me the gift of feeling young again – that wondrous excitement of youth – so I suppose the least I can do for my husband is pour in the salt and take a bath with him.
Quantum Singularities Are Hazardous To Your Marital Health
“You suck,” I shouted, drawing a vindictive stare from my wife.
“No, I was talking to the black hole,” I added, as our bodies were ripped apart by the tidal forces.