She thinks I’m under her spell.
Foolish foolish foolish.
Category: Two Sentence Stories
Sneezing
So apparently a butterfly flapping wings can cause a hurricane.
Can you imagine what a cat sneezing must do?
Weekend
I roamed a post-apocalyptic wasteland, fighting off flesh-stealers and night-breathers and seeking, always seeking the pure water of God.
What did you get up to?
Fucking
There were two great things about all the fucking we did.
The first was that it left no time for serious relationship talk and the second was, well, the fucking.
Plan
We agreed we needed a plan.
You didn’t say anything about it not sucking hard.
My Little Pony
I must be strong.
She can’t know how much I miss her.
Unhappy
One day I stood up on the train and spoke my speech to all the unhappy commuters.
I didn’t go to work that day and neither did anyone else in that carriage.
Museum
We gathered in the museum and studied the small dried thing behind the glass.
“Look what they’ve done to my dream,” said Dad.
Church
Of course I go to church.
The church of Bacon, sucka!
Hydrogen
Hydrogen is good for you!
Postage is good for you!
Surgery
You know why they knock us out for surgery?
So we won’t discover we’re robots.
Bowie
I know with absolute certainty these sentences will be the only to survive the destruction of our civilisation and will be endlessly puzzled over and analysed for deeper meaning forever and ever.
With that in mind, David Bowie is freaking awesome.
Found things
I cleaned my room and found many of the things you had left behind.
My self-respect wasn’t amongst them.
Do this thing
Ok, I’m here and I am ready to distract you from the fact that you’re well into your twenties with absolutely nothing to show for it.
Let’s do this thing, baby!
Shaved
I shaved today and then I felt his gaze on my absurdly young looking face.
Fuck you Truancy Robot, I’m an adult!
Beautiful
You are truly beautiful.
Like a pumpkin.
Raincheck
Ok, I said we should take a raincheck.
I didn’t mean for us to have this ten-year drought!
Sorting
Yesterday, as a group we spent the whole day sorting ideas into categories.
Today we’re going to work out what to do with the overflowing smug box.
Advice
I have advice for when you happen to buy a dog.
If the breed is GIANT FIRE-BREATHING Border Collie, don’t just assume that is the pet store being all clever and funny to sell dogs.
Cowboy
You change so gradually you can’t distinguish the individual steps.
First up you buy a silver belt buckle and then four years later people in your neighbourhood just refer to you as “the Cowboy”.