Category: Two Sentence Stories

I wanted to fight injustice and save the world!
Instead I had to sell out just like the rest of you.

I’m sorry your lover is dead.
I’m sorry your lover is dead.

I often find myself saying “you just don’t understand me”.
Could it be that I’m the one with the problem?

By the time you read this, I’ll be bread.
The baker’s suicide note.

What have I been doing for the last three years?
Mostly stealing my future away.

If you were a clitoris I bet you’d be one of those ones that just demands stimulation all the time.
Hey … that’s exactly what you do!

The younger me wouldn’t believe my stories of real life.
Yes, I really did bonk a girl on the head with her own vibrator once.

There are so many movies combinations I wish were made.
Hmm … Alien meets Thelma & Louise come to mind first.

I paced the room for hours wondering how to tell you I didn’t want to be with you anymore.
Then you died in a car accident on the way to my house and I was SO relieved.

For years my sister wrote letters from “Dr. Vagina” to the city councillors representing every town issue through the viewpoint of the effect on town vaginas.

The day the police arrived was the first time I ever saw my mother laugh so hard she cried.

My girlfriend said I fuck just like her ex-boyfriend.
Good move, soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend!

Search and seek.
Freak.

After I slept with you my whole life suddenly made sense.
The only worthy pursuit in life is access to vagina!

There are answers at the bottom of a shot glass actually.
And the more answers you get to, the funnier they are.

A scene witnessed many times.
A girl I’ve fucked and a girl I’m going to fuck shake hands and I hear “Hi, I’m Mat’s girlfriend.”