Category: Two Sentence Stories

Do you have those dreams that last all night?
It’s a present for … a friend.

I have conquered the world.
Now only you remain.

Me and Gandhi are quite alike you know.
We both dug the chicks, for starters.

I was an ear model but I quit.
It’s all politics.

My girl’s skin is so pink and soft.
I wonder how I can get it off?

I used to have dreams, hopes, feelings, and morals.
Now I have a really nice car, a house, a wife, and the occasional twinge of guilt.

I get paid.
I get laid.

You hear that buzzing sound?
It’s the dark cracking void where your soul used to be you fucking marketing sellout shit.

We built the machines and sent them off to fight for us.
The machines met, got along really well and now keep saying things that are getting quite worrying.

Do you think that years ago there was a demented nurse who swapped babies in the hospital.
Will my real family be coming to get me one day?

Sarah took all the pots and pans out of the cupboard, laid them on the floor in the shape of a man, pointed the remote and hit “play”.
The metal man who rose up was fun and was awesome but he did wobble a lot because of the cracked cheese-grater that made up his left leg.

Here is a clue to the meaning of life.
Think penguins in big hats and you’re halfway there.

If you were a jar of jam, I bet your lid wouldn’t pop when I opened you.
You’ve been opened before, like lots of times right?

Another sign you are getting old.
When you go from being invited to your neighbours’ parties to getting a note in the letterbox telling you there is a party and “they’ll try to keep it down!!!”