Author: admin

All my friends say it will get better.
And I say it’s a soufflé – this is as good as it gets.

Hey, want to know another secret?
It’s really hard to make new friends without drinking.

Walking into the kitchen today I had a flash of blinding inspiration.
I’m not sure the inspiration – we’re all fucked – was worth my vision.

I refused the news.
Give me the olds, I said.

I woke up this morning with the head of a jelly-baby in my bed.
When the ant mafia want something, give it to them.

I used to wonder why you didn’t tell me what happened to you when you were young.
Then I realised it was because you could not withstand my pity.

The football team called her peanut butter.
Kind of an odd name for such a friendly girl don’t you think?

They said ‘artistic feminist expressions’.
I said ‘artistic feminist impressions’.

Ok, I confess!
I filled your room with balloons.

So putting golden rings around your neck can make it appear longer.
I wonder what else a guy could put golden rings around?

I laugh when I read “they chose indie over mainstream” or something like that.
They choose indie the same way people choose poverty.

Got born.
Did little.

I’ll be your cherry and you can be my strawberry.
We’ll elope and marry and then what will our parentberries do?

All the thousands and thousands of half decisions I barely made eventually accumulated.
And now here I am, a puppet whisperer.

It was a dead sheep covered in rose petals and surrounded in empty soup cans.
Modern art, she scoffed.