Author: admin

Shake my hand.
Now turn it over and read your future.

As soon as I paid for the six-pack of doomsday devices I knew I had made a big mistake.
I used like … three and then the rest just sat in the cupboard until I tossed them out, months past their expiry dates.

Stroke your fingers over the crackling plans and marvel at their hubris.
They shall build the most evil house ever!

At work I always tell the truth.
I’ve been fired like three times.

She used to get down on her knees a lot.
Not for praying.

That super-duper awesome new phone you have?
It’s still only going to ring as much as the old one.

Let us bake a cake.
A cake of doooooooommmmmm!

What if aliens turn up and see that almost everything on this planet kills and consumes other things to survive?
What if they look at us with the same disgust we view cannibals?

After three hours of meditating I divined a glimpse of deep and profound meaning.
I was kinda hungry a little too, not starving, but I coulda definitely had a snack of some kind.

Before heading out to pick up girls I put on my charmour.
It’s so … shiny and big … they love it.

I dropped a hat as I made a quick decision.
Later I would say I made it ‘at the drop of a hat’.

The ballerina leapt.
She still couldn’t reach the sky.

My wife thought she knew me.
So funny what people think.

The kids you raise may one day choose your nursing home.
That is why I deserve an iPod for my birthday.