My training with you was just fantastic and so totally worthwhile for my future.
When I need to stay up to 3am, crying and discussing a relationship I am so going to rock at it!
Tag: relationship
Heartbreak
Yesterday morning, Mitch was all smiles at me and at everyone else at the office, as she enthusiastically told us about Rey, a new guy she met, and how gentleman he is despite the fact that their first date was still later that evening.
Today, I saw her avoiding me and she sobs whenever someone mentions the name Rey, which incidentally has the same name as mine.
Playlist
Hi, it’s so nice to meet you!
Just to speed this up – I totally judge people by their iTunes playlist.
Contribute
Sometimes I think the only point of us being together was for me to give you a word and a little game that you’ll play with your kids.
And that will be the only thing I contribute to the world.
Ice age
Ice-ages are nothing to be afraid of because we’ve all experienced them.
Facing away from each other in bed, a million miles between you and someone who once said they loved you.
In love
The great thing about being in love is that you don’t have a lot of conversations about being in love.
That you wanted to talk about it the other night gives me pause.
Mind
You’re not the last thing on my mind.
You’re around the high three thousands.
Love
The love you missed is more painful than the love you lost.
Neither hurt as much as the love you throw away.
Art
I once had this cool piece of art with a girl on it crying and a guy saying “Don’t cry – Don’t you know I love you!”
I gave this to a girl and it totally came true ten months later.
Coupons
You gave them to me for my birthday and I expect you to honour them.
I don’t care we’re broken up – these sex coupons are still valid!
Songs
I’ve still got your songs.
I’ll never delete them.
Staying
You know she is the one for me so you’re just going to have to get over it.
I don’t care little dog – she is staying!
Holiday
I went to the pier today.
It reminded me of Perth, of sun, of love, of food, of champagne, of sex, of falafel, and of you, asleep with damp hair, mid-afternoon.
Harper Valley Redux
Nobody really liked her; however, that didn’t stop her from sashaying (like a cat in heat) out onto the stage, wearing the tightest, shortest (Harper Valley PTA sleazy) hooker red dress we – or probably anyone else for that matter – had ever seen, to accept (without any reservations) the award for teacher of the year. Of course, the pubescent young men present erupted into thunderous applause, dog woofs, and whistling (a sound akin to what happens when someone scores a touchdown at the Superbowl), while the girls and adults – totally embarrassed by this flagrant sexual display – sat silent with looks of disdain and arms folded as she stepped up to the microphone and said,
“I want to thank you all for this honor, which I could not have possibly imagined that I would win; however, I cannot accept it, and would like at this time, to present it to my friend and colleague, Mary White, who is a better teacher, better person, better dresser (greeted by snorts and laughter) and is not having an affair with the principal,”
and, this being said, then handed the plaque to Mrs. White (who had been runner up), turned and walked out of the auditorium, which had fallen into complete and utter silence.
Reply
You think our last conversation took place on your bed when we both agreed to “end it”.
It actually took place three weeks earlier when I said I loved you and you hesitated with your reply.
Spell
She thinks I’m under her spell.
Foolish foolish foolish.
Fucking
There were two great things about all the fucking we did.
The first was that it left no time for serious relationship talk and the second was, well, the fucking.
My Little Pony
I must be strong.
She can’t know how much I miss her.
Found things
I cleaned my room and found many of the things you had left behind.
My self-respect wasn’t amongst them.
Do this thing
Ok, I’m here and I am ready to distract you from the fact that you’re well into your twenties with absolutely nothing to show for it.
Let’s do this thing, baby!