We slept together twice, in case you’ve forgotten.
Maybe you should stop asking my advice on your next doomed relationship.
Tag: relationship
Clarity
As we adjusted the painting, her shouting directions and me vainly trying to follow them, I had a sudden blinding flash of clarity about our entire relationship.
I think she only went out with me because sometimes from the side I look a little like Steve Martin and she really loves all his movies.
Saturn
You were not my Sun or my Earth.
You weren’t even my Saturn.
Oh the Irony
In therapy, my husband shared that he’s been having the same dream every night for a year, of a beautiful stranger who tells him she loves him, and bakes delicious cupcakes.
I met the real her at the local bakery today and we’re going away together this weekend; he’s going to be so pissed.
Hid
I hid the cash in the drawer, knowing you would search for it and then steal it.
I wish our relationship was better so when you needed something you could ask and when you asked, I would give.
Might
I haven’t taken down your photos or thrown away your clothes or tipped out your perfume.
I think you still might come back.
Truthfully
He always answered the question “Do you have a girlfriend” truthfully with “No, but I sometimes have other men’s girlfriends”.
Each and every single girl laughed and tapped his shoulder and foolishly failed to think it through.
Rule
My foolish rule to never sleep with a girl unless I think there will be a relationship.
In five hundred years it will all be so meaningless.
Boring
As she talked, I fell asleep.
Relationship status conversations are boooooring.
Look
That look on my face?
It’s just the aftertaste of a relationship you haven’t realised is over.
Dating
If you command, she will obey.
Dating secret #6.
Truthfully illustrated
Photo credit: Boston Bill
His photostream
FOREVER
I was cooking dinner when she wrapped her arms around me and whispered, “We’ll be together forever.” I’m not in a relationship of any kind.
No such thing as too much Love
“I think we should break up” I said.
“Go to sleep dear” she replied, before locking me in my cage and walking away.
Ex-boyfriend
I’m glad you couldn’t see me on the phone. I cried silently every time you were talking.
Staying
Some people suggested that I move to another town. But there’s a strange comfort in going alone all the places we used to go together: it proves you’re not necessary for this world and this life to exist.
A, B, or C?
When she thought about him, The Great Thing That Never Was, she could observe herself dissolving into a completely unpredictable mass of emotions and raw nerves. If she saw him again, would she say, “Fuck you,” or ignore him completely, or throw her arms around his neck?
Endgame: Affair
It’s been fun babe, but sorry. Your best friend deserves his wife’s fidelity.
Spilled Champagne
“What I need you to understand is that all my life I’ve been toasting with an empty glass,” Alexa frantically explained to the only man who had ever showed her love, who, frustrated with Alexa’s unrelenting self-doubt, was now the man about to walk out on her. “Now that you’ve filled my glass to the top I’ve got to learn how to hold it,” she said, but it was too late; once the champagne spills, there’s no way to get it back in.
Turning The Tables
The same completely honest look reflected in each others eyes, something between fear and power; She loosened her grip from around his neck.