Consolation

I used to fantasize that Zach would go on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” get made over for me, and ask over the special dinner Ted taught him to make if I can ever forgive him for having been so stupid as to turn me down, he was just scared, et cetera, and now he’s realized his mistake and agonized over it, and will I give him a second chance?

Sometimes I would say no and sometimes yes, but invariably, all the Queer Eye guys gasped while watching the clip when I came on the screen and each exclaimed, “Oh she’s delightful,” then another “delicious,” and another “de-lovely!”

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Assumption

She justified being overweight by saying she wanted someone to fall in love with her for her and not her body. A couple decades of loneliness and thirty pounds of M&Ms later, she began to wonder if her body wasn’t really a part of her after all.

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Love At First Sight

“Lust at first sight may be real, but love at first sight is a myth,” I said with self-assurance, to which my grandfather chuckled.

“I was smitten with your Grandma the moment I saw her,” he said with a grin, “and we been married over forty years… I’m fairly sure it ain’t been lust that’s kept us together.”

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