Consolation

I used to fantasize that Zach would go on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” get made over for me, and ask over the special dinner Ted taught him to make if I can ever forgive him for having been so stupid as to turn me down, he was just scared, et cetera, and now he’s realized his mistake and agonized over it, and will I give him a second chance?

Sometimes I would say no and sometimes yes, but invariably, all the Queer Eye guys gasped while watching the clip when I came on the screen and each exclaimed, “Oh she’s delightful,” then another “delicious,” and another “de-lovely!”

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Rating: 4.7/10 (6 votes cast)

Unconditional Love

Daddy never answered when I called, so mommy bought me a doll that resembled him and a box of pins I stuck in it to keep track of the times he didn’t answer. I still love my daddy, even though police found him in his rented room lying in a pool of blood from the small holes riddling his body.

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Rating: 7.5/10 (17 votes cast)

Love At First Sight

“Lust at first sight may be real, but love at first sight is a myth,” I said with self-assurance, to which my grandfather chuckled.

“I was smitten with your Grandma the moment I saw her,” he said with a grin, “and we been married over forty years… I’m fairly sure it ain’t been lust that’s kept us together.”

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Rating: 7.1/10 (15 votes cast)

Spilled Champagne

“What I need you to understand is that all my life I’ve been toasting with an empty glass,” Alexa frantically explained to the only man who had ever showed her love, who, frustrated with Alexa’s unrelenting self-doubt, was now the man about to walk out on her. “Now that you’ve filled my glass to the top I’ve got to learn how to hold it,” she said, but it was too late; once the champagne spills, there’s no way to get it back in.

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Rating: 6.5/10 (11 votes cast)

New

She had always found the botanical gardens incredibly boring. But on her first date with the botanist, he ran around throwing his nose into the best-smelling flowers and guiding her hands over strange-feeling bark; and it was a whole other world.

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Rating: 7.3/10 (12 votes cast)