He broke up with her on October 30. The next night, she threw on red devil horns, walked straight up to the cutest boy at the Halloween party, and explained that her costume was “Woman’s Vengeance.”
When they married, he was four times her age but they got along marvelously. Then some asshole invented Viagra.
Even though she loved the man she slept beside, she sometimes dreamt of someone else from her past. So her waking heart and sleeping mind were always at war.
He worked out constantly and felt sure she was with him for his manly, rugged good looks. But she fell in love only after seeing his awkward teenage photos hidden away in a family album.
I used to fantasize that Zach would go on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” get made over for me, and ask over the special dinner Ted taught him to make if I can ever forgive him for having been so stupid as to turn me down, he was just scared, et cetera, and now he’s realized his mistake and agonized over it, and will I give him a second chance?
Sometimes I would say no and sometimes yes, but invariably, all the Queer Eye guys gasped while watching the clip when I came on the screen and each exclaimed, “Oh she’s delightful,” then another “delicious,” and another “de-lovely!”
Some people suggested that I move to another town. But there’s a strange comfort in going alone all the places we used to go together: it proves you’re not necessary for this world and this life to exist.
She justified being overweight by saying she wanted someone to fall in love with her for her and not her body. A couple decades of loneliness and thirty pounds of M&Ms later, she began to wonder if her body wasn’t really a part of her after all.
He called to ask her out on Valentine’s and, after some hesitancy said: “Do you believe in poetry?”
She said, “I don’t believe in much of anything,” but she ended up going to the reading downtown with him anyway.
I’m sometimes criticized for being cold but I opened up my heart once. All I have to show for it is an STD.
When she thought about him, The Great Thing That Never Was, she could observe herself dissolving into a completely unpredictable mass of emotions and raw nerves. If she saw him again, would she say, “Fuck you,” or ignore him completely, or throw her arms around his neck?
Daddy never answered when I called, so mommy bought me a doll that resembled him and a box of pins I stuck in it to keep track of the times he didn’t answer. I still love my daddy, even though police found him in his rented room lying in a pool of blood from the small holes riddling his body.
When her childhood crush informed her he was getting married, she felt devastated until he added: “We’ve been together so long, I feel like I owe it to her.” Suddenly, she felt very sorry for his fiancée.
Ominous radioactive clouds reflect in the ocean under the full moon. “Kiss me, this is it,” I say, and love grows like our cancerous cells.
“Lust at first sight may be real, but love at first sight is a myth,” I said with self-assurance, to which my grandfather chuckled.
“I was smitten with your Grandma the moment I saw her,” he said with a grin, “and we been married over forty years… I’m fairly sure it ain’t been lust that’s kept us together.”
One afternoon, she went to the store and unexpectedly bought almost 12 months of memories. They weren’t on sale and definitely can’t be returned.
At the time, it seemed as though they were really having fun together. But in retrospect, she realized she’d only gone out with him for the excuse to wear pretty dresses.
“What I need you to understand is that all my life I’ve been toasting with an empty glass,” Alexa frantically explained to the only man who had ever showed her love, who, frustrated with Alexa’s unrelenting self-doubt, was now the man about to walk out on her. “Now that you’ve filled my glass to the top I’ve got to learn how to hold it,” she said, but it was too late; once the champagne spills, there’s no way to get it back in.
You told me my flip-flops were unattractive and unsanitary and you would leave me if I kept wearing them. But I’m only alone because that scorpion hid in your shoe.
Even though he had to accept the company transfer overseas, they were sure their love would grow in spite of the distance.
He wrote twice, she wrote twice, and that was all either could manage to give.
She had always found the botanical gardens incredibly boring. But on her first date with the botanist, he ran around throwing his nose into the best-smelling flowers and guiding her hands over strange-feeling bark; and it was a whole other world.