“What’s that seductive cologne you have on?”
“Male sweat.”
Category: Competition
Competition
Werewolf
“I can relate to your experience with Bipolar Disorder,” He said. “I suffer from lycanthropy.”
Compulsion
An hour passed until she came back from the bathroom.
“Twiggy,” I said, “want a cookie?”
Doctors
Slap; white gloves touching ivory bottoms, and now it’s just breath in and out, in and out. Then it pops out.
The Racist Pig
“You’re a racist pig,” someone shouted from the crowd.
Oink Johnson wiped the sweat off of his snout and replied, “Hey, I just won the Boston Marathon, didn’t I?”
Hypochondria
I don’t understand why people spend their lives hiding from the prospect of death. Somewhere along the way I guess they forgot life was out there too.
Echo
“I have worth,” he screamed. Came back: naught but a cold wind, and the echo of his loneliness.
What a Bother!
The Baroness sighed, washing her hands in the opalescent ivory wash basin. “Now look what you’ve done, gone and made me get my hands all dirty, there’s a naughty pet,” she said, as red streaked on the white.
Locked
I keep two birds locked in a golden cage, atop the kitchen counter in a dusty, musty house. The paint is peeling, the floorboards are gone, blood streaks the walls, and the two birds stare at me from the confines of their golden cage.
I Play For None
So I tells him, “My thighs, they been involved in numerous accidents, so ya better have insurance, hon’.” And the devil goes and grabs my ankles and makes me spread my legs.
Story Before Title
Trash cans will be spitting out your godawful meat loaf before I stop seeing Lucy.
“Last Words of a Murder Victim”
I Always Wanted to Be a Hero…
I held the world in my hand, my tiny little freaking HAND, as they explained my role. As much as I pleaded, they would not take away the shining globe for one reason: keeping the world safe was my job now.
Howard Hasn’t Changed a Bit in 25 Years
We all wore formal to the reunion. He wore a T-shirt that read, THIS MEETING OF THE WORLD ASSOCIATION OF UGLY PEOPLE WILL COME TO ORDER.
Post-Grads
We graduated virgins, and made sure that title didn’t stick for long. How was I to know it would drive him to insanity?
An independent study about the shortness and futility of clocks
Today, she might just drink a cup of coffee, smile at the corner shop flower girl, visit the museum of Extatic Arts and dance around the telephone pole for fun. Tomorrow, she will have enough time to worry about time and her future-if there will be one.
Playing the Gig
Our band had booked the gig a year ago while tooling through Wyoming on the way to the west coast, but we came back to find the factory closed and the buildings slumped, abandoned to time and weather. We pulled our gear out of the van and set up anyway, cranked the amps to ear-splitting and rocked out under the lazy summer sun for a few rats, a bone-thin stray dog and the lonely ghost of an old miner.
The Professor Died
The professor died, but that didn’t end his career. They made him a zombie and now he teaches advanced decomposition.
You Can’t Run Forever
One look at the body lying at my feet and I knew my world was about to come crashing down. If it had been a human body, I could have ignored it, but there was nothing human about it.
Day Job
Jenna Malone never killed on Tuesdays. Today would be the exception.
Quantum Singularities Are Hazardous To Your Marital Health
“You suck,” I shouted, drawing a vindictive stare from my wife.
“No, I was talking to the black hole,” I added, as our bodies were ripped apart by the tidal forces.