Luke Skywalker heard Emperor Palpatine promise to murder his friends and felt the dark side boiling inside of him. Giving in to the darkness he activated his lightsaber, chopped the Emperor’ s and Darth Vader’s heads off and hit the Death Star’ self destruct button; sending them all to hell.
No seriously, this isn’t a story. Your not living through the night.
The girl wearing scandalous exercise clothes gave me no choice, really: I had tapped her shoulder as a friendly reminder that the Starbucks barista was ready to take her order. Exercise Freak bristled, turned toward me, called me all manner of socially unacceptable nicknames, and soon found herself on the floor, having her pretty little face melted off by scalding coffee — Pike’s Peak, to be exact.
The cave beast slithered out of his lair for a quick drink at Starbucks with the unsuspecting girl. “I should have stayed home and gotten drunk by myself watching Lifetime movies,” she thought as he deftly drained the life out of her with his overdeveloped sense of joylessness, honed over a score of years in his mother’s basement.
A disfigured fiend, a horrid malformed monster creeping across the Internet seeking only to inflict misery, happened upon Twosentenceland, and, enjoying it, stayed put. There, the unhappy, nightmarishly bored monster scratched and clawed at the ratings of Twosentencelanders who only looked for enteraintment and fun and creativity, and wanted desperately for the troll to have its fucking head run over by an eighteen wheeler.
Leaving the house without applying lotion was, in the end, a terrible oversight. Because when she got to work, her face had peeled off from chin to forehead, just as she always said it would if she forgot to use her Mary Kay.
The coroner felt suddenly uneasy as she opened the door to leave the room full of freshly dead corpses awaiting autopsy. Turning around slowly, her heart stood still at the sight of all ten cadavers sitting upright on their tables, black body bags still zipped over their mangled, reanimated remains.
Eight of them perched like grotesque leaves on the gnarled tree by the side of the road, and as Amy approached she began to regret the curiosity that had drawn her into the woods. Cradled in the skeletal roots of the tree lay the thing responsible for the congregation of flesh-eating birds: a bloated and rotting human corpse that was missing its face.
The overweight, generously paid, and undertrained TSA Agent pulled the trigger on his brand new Glock 27 at the fleeing terrorist, hearing a deafening click. The terrorist, dressed in all black pseudo military garb, cooly turned and fired four rounds into Agent Paulson’s chest.
It was that time of year again, spring, and this year Pat was determined to cut down the apple tree that seemed to attract bees every year that gave him bad dreams. A few minutes with a reciprocating saw, a loud crack and a quick rustle as the branches fell to the ground was followed by the sound from Pats nightmares: thousands of bees bursting from their now grounded nest, attacking Pat in their rage and killing him within minutes.
Danny thought it was hilarious to joke that his cat Michael Myers had not eaten for a week. He found it less funny when Michael Myers ate most of his forehead later that day.
“Did you ever love me?”
He was as cold to me as always.
There were well-meaning people in the support group who found solace in that mound of dirt above their loved one’s coffin. But she could never relate and seldom visited the cemetery.
Killing is easy when you have watched your family suffer every naked indignity. After than using the knives only felt normal and happiness was watching the blood gushing from their necks and stomachs.
And on the last weekend of every month he would go and spend hours upon hours with his friends.
Friends, who though dead, were good friends still.
Ominous radioactive clouds reflect in the ocean under the full moon. “Kiss me, this is it,” I say, and love grows like our cancerous cells.
It was both a gift and a curse that I was with her when she took her last breath.
I truly wanted to be there to comfort her in her last moments, but those empty dead eyes will haunt me for the rest of my life.
When I spoke enviously of Josephine’s long lashes, rosy cheeks and soft curves, the corners of my Samael’s lips lifted, and he let out a low, menacing laugh that sent an erotic chill down my spine. He withdrew his blade and spoke in a hauntingly satisfied murmur to its blood-stained tip: “My love, all skeletons look the same.”
“It was early Spring when we died,” I began, my voice sad. “we didn’t know it yet, but the world was ending that day, and we were just caught in the cracks.”
We have killed the angels before they had time to teach us the following things:
how to smile, how to love, how to tie a shoe, how to pet a cat, how to forgive, how to forget. We are calmer now then we once were , because we have finnaly came to the righteous conclusion that our race is now rightfully absolete.