You’re a transient tic disorder.
Your mum is!
Recovery
I’m hoping I’ll recover soon from breaking up with you.
It’s been a long time and I sick of being so lovesick.
Messages
Even my sales copy is a message of love for my future wife.
Why do you think I hate people messing with it?
Not Insured
Without wealth my darling, little American girl quietly died
my private option
Brunettes
You girls with your dark hair and dark eyes.
Just a smile and a look is all it takes.
No fear
The vampire wasn’t afraid of anyone finding out his secret. “The one thing that keeps us safe, is the fact that humans don’t believe in us.”
Lost
I lost my smile, my friends, my job, my money, my girl.
Later I found my smile but the rest seems gone forever.
Stories
The future me came back and read my stories.
Then he just laughed and laughed and laughed.
Curses
I stood in the rain, cursing the sky, then amazingly all was quiet.
So that’s what lightning tastes like.
Lava
It was Sunday when the floor turned to lava.
Good thing I was wearing my lava-proof socks.
Flippant
My anger over your flippant comments is now far greater than my love ever was.
Did you remember at the end of the last letter you wrote “I love you” over and over?
Epiphany
I was waiting for the bus.
Then it hit me!
Protein
You’re high in protein.
I’m hungry.
I Was Unsurprised
I fished the thing out of my belly button late last night, but I was too sleepy to take a close look.
After breakfast I threw it under the microscope and zoomed in until I could see quite clearly that it was the fully globalized planet Earth.
180 Seconds to Lynching
Daniel sat on a grassy hillock overlooking the town and sighed contentedly, peacefully, as a lazy breeze caressed the grass around him. It was a good way to spend his last three minutes alive.
Surface
On the surface you look really interesting.
Lots of packages look good and the content doesn’t live up.
Holy Trinity, You Bet Cha
How could it be that there is only ONE God and yet his messenger was also God; thus making TWO?
Now if there is TWO, then there must be a ghostly CONNECTION between, so that makes three, see?!!
He’s Here
Very old now, I trudge the beach noticing that even the tide comes in faster these days.
Slithering behind, Old Nick’s slimy swish is accelerating, and louder and oh so confident.
Hospital Work
I left my darling in the ICU, knowing that she would be well in a few days.
I returned after a short nap in the car to find that they had murdered her.
Shouted
I shouted at her that I wasn’t a robot, that I had feelings and hopes and dreams and so what if I was falling in love!
She pressed a button on a remote, a panel opened in my chest and at least one thing I had just yelled wasn’t true.