the surprise
i jumped in the closet prepared to give my girlfriend a scare, that’s when i heard from behind me “hello charlie.”
Not Necessarily
He came in and ordered a dozen red roses and addressed the card “To My Best Girl”. I wondered how long it would take for her to realize that best didn’t necessarily mean only.
Que Sera Sera
” There she was an easy mark sitting on a bench, old, vulnerable, and with a fat purse, so it was to my surprise that she managed to gurgle a curse that was punctuated by the fact she spoke through the slit I made in her throat. The next morning I awoke on a bench and to my horror my body was gnarled and wizened, made worse by the fact of the fast approaching blade carrying man walking towards me, but try as I might, all the energy I could afford to defend myself was to recite a blood sputtered curse that had lingered fresh in my mind since yesterday.”
In the doorway
I said good night to my wife laying next to me. I rolled over and saw her standing in the doorway.
Neighborhood Watch
I was posting up fliers for my missing cat Whiskers where I ran into my neighbor. who complimented the design on my shirt, before making a lengthy step over a puddle.
I just stood and watched the casual old man walk away, curious as to how he was able to flawlessly navigate a path despite his blindness.
Imaginary Friend
you undress your 10 year old son and get him ready for his shower as he tells you what games he played with his imaginary friend. “shes not real hun” you say as you lift up his shirt exposing his back. ‘I AM REAL!’ is scratched into his skin…
Imaginary Friend
you undress your 10 year old son and get him ready for his shower as he tells you what games he played with his imaginary friend. “shes not real hun” you say as you lift up his shirt exposing his back. ‘I AM REAL!’ is scratched into his skin…
Living
I died. but i still live.
Living
I died. but i still live.
Living
I died. but i still live.
Camping Nightmare
Their camping trip was fun, it’s when they took a wrong turn it became a nightmare. Now their bodies hangs out on laundry line to dry.
Reflection
My reflection spoke to me, it said I was next.
Lovely
I wish you knew just how I feel, how you are the only thing on my mind all day, how much I love you, love the way you smell, the way you look when you sleep.
Some of these days I really should introduce myself to you.
Haunting of a non existance
My cat talks, he tells me that my husband misses me. The only problem is I never have been married.
Best Two Out of Three
For the amusement of my friends, I declared a staring contest with the first statue we came to at the wax museum; “best two out of three,” I said.
Everything went downhill after I won the first round.
The Zookeeper
I went to visit the lion in its cage.
It wasn’t.