Lester was the guy who talks loud in public bathrooms, pretending he’s on a cell phone, “Yes it’s me, in London all week banging the blond bitch.
Hay I’m offerin 2 mil for the land, farm included, take it or leave it you mother-f, and you better not hang up.
Rating: 3.9/10 (9 votes cast)
Anxious to share her news, she ran all the way home. When she saw what waited for her there, she ran away.
Rating: 6.2/10 (6 votes cast)
For his writing instruments, Marcus uses fountain pens made from black ivory and blessed by a witch doctor in New Guinea. He lances the blood from his very veins to provide these pens with the only kind of ink that appeases their hunger, lest something unfortunate happens to him.
Rating: 7.0/10 (6 votes cast)
Sex is a word that was, or perhaps still is without bad meaning.
Only our filfthy minds refuzes to accept this simple truth.
Rating: 6.5/10 (10 votes cast)
It’s just me and this candle and those happy assholes out there, yelling their lungs out in the cold fresh winter air. I hope next year finds me here but with another person, a joyfull Number Two in my life.
Rating: 6.8/10 (5 votes cast)
These puny humans had no idea that we happen to find them extraordinary… delicious!!
By the time they realized it though, they were already filling out our food-stores !
Rating: 3.8/10 (15 votes cast)
We have killed the angels before they had time to teach us the following things:
how to smile, how to love, how to tie a shoe, how to pet a cat, how to forgive, how to forget. We are calmer now then we once were , because we have finnaly came to the righteous conclusion that our race is now rightfully absolete.
Rating: 5.0/10 (9 votes cast)
I’ve broke down and cried my lungs out after I ran as far as I could from myself to reach some sort of safe-zone that wasn’t even on the map of my soul. They say I’ll get better but I know they’re just lying to me because since I’ve been inside this empty, white door place, with no one to keep me company only the sun is now burning my eyes…
Rating: 4.2/10 (6 votes cast)
I saw Keith everywhere the next day, he was on trees, fences and his head was somehow on top of an electric pole, then because the neighbors love me they presented his penis to my father, but dad didn’t show it to me.
That was just the first boy in my life, they all died about like that and I’m an Urban Legend, thats known to be followed by spirits and murder.
Rating: 4.6/10 (5 votes cast)
Most female students interviewed echo the feelings of Matti Malard who has a nearby room and says, “I’ve seen Mr. Overton and he’s dremy, it make me excited being in his building, and maybe he’ll drag me to his room next and ‘do’ me.
Rating: 3.6/10 (7 votes cast)
My flaw of bad teeth made me a hermit hiding out in the ice house and then before I knew it came the end of the really human wold with poison death.
I did find Wanda in the woman’s prison, but you can’t call it love when someone is so very terrified of your teeth they sometimes wet their pants.
Rating: 4.3/10 (8 votes cast)
It’s nice when the departing, dying mother does not screw her daughter into a dead light socket like Betty’s mother did.
Linnie said, “Yes I strangled your mother while you ate a sandwitch in the hospital cafeteria, and so have a obedient life sucker.
Rating: 4.6/10 (5 votes cast)
When she was good she was looking past her drunken mother, but after her dad died, she just became herself and that was bad. The bad girl stabbed the man-boy and her mother she did strangle the air all out of!
Rating: 4.5/10 (8 votes cast)
She got the knife in her own room as she danced to the Rolling Stones and didn’t see it coming, ha, ha, ha! That was my start of a life of crime, and boy does it pay, more than any other girl I know: ha, ha, double ha.
Rating: 4.0/10 (6 votes cast)
June and I married for money. Ten years later all that was left was being married.
Rating: 7.0/10 (7 votes cast)
I watched this document on exotic birds, and for some reason the flamingos really struck my nature, particulary the Andean flamingo; I voyaged down to the High Andes of Chile, only to witness a beautiful flock of these majestic birds, and by the power of Thor, one flew within literally arms reach of me and exclaims, “Sir, you must pay close extremely close attention, before everyo-,” he stares prominently at my nose, then demands, “…are you Jewish?” I dumbfoundedly replied, “… well, yes, what does tha-,” before i even finished, damn bird scampered…racist bastards.
Rating: 6.0/10 (10 votes cast)
Remember when we used to edit those submissions to the literary magazine? We would call out the best-worst lines of the big x-ed over pieces to each other melodramatically and fall apart in giggling.
Rating: 4.0/10 (5 votes cast)
He knew it was important, and so he tried to follow all of the doctor’s recommendations. But he had never before realized how expensive and time-consuming it was just to be healthy.
Rating: 5.6/10 (5 votes cast)
In a dimly lit room I panted and wondered how much longer I could hold on as the warm sweat wrapped my naked body. And then, without warning … it stopped.
Rating: 5.3/10 (4 votes cast)
I didn’t really care about the millions of dollars or the newly purchased mid-century home in the hills, or even the Eames furniture that wasn’t replica. I just wanted my dead sister’s ticket for myself.
Rating: 7.0/10 (4 votes cast)