The day you showed some backbone and stood up to me was the day I decided I didn’t want to be with you anymore.
Don’t you understand – I want a doormat!
Yet Another Day at the Ballpark
The game was an endless variation on a few simple themes. The final out was a routine fly ball–to a Martian disguised as a right fielder.
Southern Texas Lore
I slide deep into the murky lake; sharp teeth clamp my foot. Alligators do exist.
Never
I will never love you more than my girlfriend when I was little.
I will never love you more than now.
Future
I think the future is coming.
Listen, can you hear that squeaking noise?
Dictionary
I made the mistake of taking out my red dictionary.
Two syllables ran straight for me.
Perhaps
You, and none other.
The endless and only truth.
Shack
I built a love shack.
Then I found out some group has written a song about it, like, years ago!
A Successful Medical Procedure
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t write stories in just two sentences, so I sought help from a head doctor.
He found a big bump on my cranium that caused excessive wordiness, so yesterday he slammed it with a sledge hammer, and today I have five stories posted on the Two Sentence Stories site.
World Explained
To fully capture the essence of the world in single sentence is quite a feat; so I was surprised to hear it done while watching Mad Men the other day.
One of the characters said, “This place is Gynocracy”
Classic burn
You’re a transient tic disorder.
Your mum is!
Messages
Even my sales copy is a message of love for my future wife.
Why do you think I hate people messing with it?
Recovery
I’m hoping I’ll recover soon from breaking up with you.
It’s been a long time and I sick of being so lovesick.
Not Insured
Without wealth my darling, little American girl quietly died
my private option
Brunettes
You girls with your dark hair and dark eyes.
Just a smile and a look is all it takes.
No fear
The vampire wasn’t afraid of anyone finding out his secret. “The one thing that keeps us safe, is the fact that humans don’t believe in us.”
Lost
I lost my smile, my friends, my job, my money, my girl.
Later I found my smile but the rest seems gone forever.
Stories
The future me came back and read my stories.
Then he just laughed and laughed and laughed.
Curses
I stood in the rain, cursing the sky, then amazingly all was quiet.
So that’s what lightning tastes like.
Lava
It was Sunday when the floor turned to lava.
Good thing I was wearing my lava-proof socks.