Great Honour

The son of an old wretched woman got jailed yesterday for farting in the public where at the same time the tension danced spirally through my bowels and I felt the disgracing element moving towards my anus. I blew it and laughed, paid a bulky bribe and got honoured (OFR).

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Food Fads of The Undead

Bill called Charlie to warn that rampaging, famished zombies were heading his way, but if he gave them chocolate chip cookies, they’d eat the cookies and not his brains.

When the starving zombies arrived, Charlie offered them dozens of chocolate chip cookies, but they ate his brains anyway saying he’d been terribly misinformed, because their latest food fad was chocolate cream pie.

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Opposites Attract

Of the seven deadly sins of lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride, you have five, while of the seven Heavenly virtues of chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness and humility, I possess six.

So your lust trumped my chastity, your gluttony overcame my temperance, my kindness supplanted your greed, my patience outlasted your pride and my humility exacerbated your wrath one morning, which is why our relationship is better than most

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A Wonderful New Product

Miss New World Order appeared during a Super Bowl commercial break and announced Jiffy Dog, a space-age miracle product, by which magnificent dogs were created by pouring powder into a bucket, adding tap water, and stirring three times.

Billions of boxes of Jiffy Dog sold instantly, and the world was so enthralled by the product that supplanted real dogs, the Jiffy Corporation quickly introduced two more miracle products: Jiffy Cat and Jiffy Wife.

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