From beneath the misty shadows of the capitol dome, he rose from his sidewalk bed and brushed his cold fingers across the color-worn medal of valor rusting upon his collar. Soon the masses came, marching past in an encore parade of the every day and he raised his outstretched palm in solitary salute.
Racist much
Oh Taco you silly billy.
Mexican gardeners – you can’t teach em!
Turban
Did you know you can make a turban out of a common household towel?
Fucking terrorist.
The Last Believer
I have wronged every person that I have ever known and she is the only one of them that stood by me. I’m looking into the eyes of my last believer.
Snowman
Last winter, my neighbors built the creepiest snowman I’ve ever seen. It got even creepier when I saw it standing in front of my house, staring through my living room window, in the middle of July.
The Butcher
Opening up a butcher shop was the best idea I’ve ever had. I just hope people don’t ask me what kind of meat I sell, or why their kids keep disappearing.
Dream
Last night I dreamt that a hideous creature with glowing red eyes and long, pointed claws was standing at the foot of my bed watching me sleep. When I woke up this morning, I discovered it wasn’t a dream.
Rain
Since it’s been raining so much lately, I’ve been staying home most nights. It’s a drag for me, but I guess the neighbors are glad their kids have stopped disappearing.
Children
I love children. They taste so much better than adults.
Vampires
My father assured me that vampires don’t exist. Of course, that didn’t make me feel any better since it was the only explanation I had for why he kept drinking my blood.
Intruder
When I heard a man’s voice coming from the kitchen, I snuck down the stairs and bludgeoned him to death with a baseball bat. I probably should’ve done something less drastic, after all, it was his house.
Lavender
Her skin is so soft and smells like lavender. I wonder how many more times I can wear it before the smell of decay covers it up.
I love you
Sex never even crossed my mind, until two
hours and four beers later, you said I love you. Oh well.
Childhood
I ran carelessly through the green fields, wind playing hide and seek in my hair, and rain hop scotching down my nose and on to my awaiting tongue.
For I am a child again.
Dinnertime
I walked downstairs into my kitchen to make my dinner, but the pot was already boiling. I live alone.
Dinnertime
I walked downstairs into my kitchen to make my dinner, but the pot was already boiling. I live alone.
Excused
May I be excused?
I’ve got to go fuck up my life with no direction for the next thirty years.
Sugar and Spice
The childhood poem “Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of” suddenly seemed so funny to her 6-year-old mind, as she stomped on his coloring book reciting the poem louder and louder.
“Snakes and snails and puppy dog tails” is more like it she giggled, enjoying the satisfaction of ruining the class bully’s precious art work.
Clarity
The amazing clarity hit when I was sitting on the train halfway to work.
I ignored it and went to work anyway.
Bell
I have a tiny bell.
I keep it in the freezer next to my peas.