Big Stories in Two Little Sentences
No I didn’t know her well… no one did actually, but I know she was 23 when she died.
It was Amsterdam in 1944, and she was still running her Jew-hiding network… even a few gypsies… when the Gestapo got her, raped her a few times and hung her from a meat hook with piano wire.
Is that what you really want?
Fine – go with that whore of a John Deere tractor and see if I care!
When the school melted it was a blow to the entire community.
Next time we’ll build it from chocolate rather than ice-cream.
The Bangkok Suites may have been a cheap motel, but Babs Crasshank knew she was cheaper by far. As she searched the bottle-littered room for her pantyhose, she had a scotch-soaked half cigarette and one of last night’s fortune cookies for breakfast.
I spoke with the Emperor this morning, and he is leaving Moscow for Paris this evening with eight teams of extra horses. The Army is to follow in the morning; yet I fear that we are all dead.
I was allowed to outlaw three things forever.
I chose no-fat yogurt, those stupid 555 Hollywood phone numbers, and dinosaurs not existing.
You make me laugh when you stand by the window, screw up your face, and try desperately to comprehend the universe.
A speck of sand in the ocean has a better chance of understanding than you.
You begged on your knees for me to forgive you.
I gave in, but mostly because I couldn’t bear to see you debase yourself like that anymore.
When you join the club look closely at all the current members.
One day one of them will try to kill you.
We used to have some wicked kinky sex.
Then I got to know you and got all embarrassed.
Love me and then fuck me.
Or the other way around, I don’t mind.
Yesterday I finished the first draft of a children’s book.
Today I have forgotten I wrote it at all.
When I sigh at work I’m really saying “you’re a fucking idiot who should die horribly”.
No offence.
She loved me once, but now she’s marrying someone else. No matter – people are filing into the church, and my revenge shall be sweet.
We named those parts Lyrical.
Then we waxed her.
I know you are in love with me because of my heart, mind and soul.
I know … hope … that my millions mean … nothing?
Hey, did you hear that the rules have all changed?
Yeah, being a boring self-centred fuckwit is now sexy so you’re totally in dude!
I spend quite a lot of my spare time trying to find my niche.
I’m starting to suspect it was found in the 70s, bought up by greedy foreigners, polluted and fucked over then finally left to slowly decline, a glorious weed-covered wreck just marking off time until the sun explodes.
I was trying to avoid a scene.
It’s a puppy in a cape, a talking horse and a cake – nothing to get worked up about.
I know you are no longer angry with me.
I worry this is because you no longer care, rather than you’ve forgiven me.