You want to know why I never mention the little things?
Because they are little (and I don’t like you).
Rut
Why bother trying to get out of your rut?
Dig the ground out from those around you and make them fall.
Kissed
I’ve kissed so much corporate ass that I don’t even notice the taste anymore.
Other people can smell it though, and see the stains.
Search
The search for truth is long and hard.
So is a penis, ha ha.
A solution
So all the baby boomers have tied up the housing market and made it impossible for people like me to ever buy a house.
The only solution is to start murdering old people to move some property back onto the market!
Presentation
You know what would be so much better than that boring old marketing presentation?
How about you flash yourself?
Success
The success of former school bullies sometimes really gets to me.
Then I think “hey, maybe they’ll get cancer and die in horrible pain” and I feel a bit better.
Bile Me A River
One day when I was feeling mellow I went to the beach and let out a bellow.
The sky was quite green and the sea it was yellow,
just like a nice old jaundiced fellow.
Wish
I wish everyone was wrong.
Pi going on forever and ever just feels so … icky.
New girl
How it went with the new girl?
First she was fucked then she was just fucked up.
Library
Take me to the binary library.
I want to borrow 10010110101010011101110110111010101010010010101.
Sing
Let’s all sing that song!
Hey yeah, it’s all I want, it’s all I need yay!
Tramp
Sometimes I look at you and I just want to fuck you raw.
Oh, America, you dirty little tramp, you love it.
If we
If we had more water we could green Australia.
If we had more monkeys we could take over the world.
China
China wants more oil!
I named my car China.
Faking It
A major part of writing is convincing your audience that you know what you’re talking about, even when you don’t have a clue.
The hard part is getting them to read it in the first place.
Consortium
A consortium of western countries, one of them America, extract most of the oil in the region.
Teenage pimple drilling is a big business in 2034.
The season of Joy
Oh, Christmas is here.
Fuck.
Ageing
Getting old really just snuck up on me.
One minute you’re 120, fit and healthy, the next you’re 450 and starting to get those first wrinkles.
Shovelling
I often wonder if those guys on the side of the highway shovelling gravel think about how they fucked up high school.
Or do they just think about all the pussy they got?