The very instant I finished my time-travel machine a whole bunch of me from various times in the future turned up and started having a big argument over who got to tell me what.
In the confusion I stole most of their wallets and snuck off to the future.
Author: admin
Confession
Before we were married I once tied her up, blindfolded her and fucked her hard.
More confessions I’ll never tell my wife.
Dark
There are two kinds of dark.
Yours, and mine.
Rhyme
Things that rhyme are stupid.
Like you, for example.
Carved buttons
He didn’t like the Mona Lisa.
He wanted to be remembered for his carved buttons.
Harder
When I agreed to do it I thought he had said “lawnmowing”.
He actually said lawnmoving, which is way way harder.
Tolerance
My tolerance for it increased so rapidly that it actually scared me.
In the end I was buying, like, three Faberge eggs a day.
In love
The great thing about being in love is that you don’t have a lot of conversations about being in love.
That you wanted to talk about it the other night gives me pause.
Question
Check out this bit of paper.
The answer to a question no one asked.
Black hole
Inside a black hole the forces are so extreme that time and space itself comes apart.
Yes I threw your stupid comics in there – you never read them!
Satisfying
Knowing that you’ll eventually come crawling back is very satisfying.
Throwing snails over the fence again.
Mind
You’re not the last thing on my mind.
You’re around the high three thousands.
Collection
Is it just me or is a collection of any critical mass just creepy?
Ceramic puppies, monkey toys, keychains, spoons, machetes.
Pray
I pray to robot god.
I know I’m a disgusting meat machine but I can do better!
King
The King of the Eyesores visited our town today in his carriage of mouldy meat.
We threw eggs, rotten fruit and toxic waste, as we’re meant to.
Titanic
I wasn’t crying!
I had too much water to drink and my emergency water overload system kicked in and it just happened to be at the end of Titanic, ok?
Confirmation
I am in love with you.
Awaiting confirmation.
Sharia rock
Yeah, rock that guitar.
Sharia law hits hard.
Awoke
I awoke on a pool table in the middle of a crowded bar.
As usual, I got up, made my pool table, and went to work.
Fly
I commanded my dog to sit, and he did.
Fly!