Do you think those who jump from high places to their death experience something close to transcendence?
Do those brief seconds stretch on forever?
Tag: sex
Hostile button
Each adult has a button connected to sex marked “hostile to the world”.
If it’s not pressed every few months or so, watch out.
Peanut butter
The football team called her peanut butter.
Kind of an odd name for such a friendly girl don’t you think?
Ice age
Ice-ages are nothing to be afraid of because we’ve all experienced them.
Facing away from each other in bed, a million miles between you and someone who once said they loved you.
Lazy
She wanted to be tied up which I thought was incredibly kinky.
Turns out she was just lazy.
Confession
Before we were married I once tied her up, blindfolded her and fucked her hard.
More confessions I’ll never tell my wife.
Flirt
While you were gone we would flirt with flirting, pretend touches and exquisite silences.
When you came back we pretended nothing happened at all.
Hooray
Hooray for the future! Who would have believed someone would sleep with you because of a blog post?
Coupons
You gave them to me for my birthday and I expect you to honour them.
I don’t care we’re broken up – these sex coupons are still valid!
Charity
We made the biscuits and shipped them off to those poor kids overseas.
We made love and thought highly of ourselves.
Planting the Seed
Sitting awkwardly and gripping the tools, there is a moment of reverence before the act and a whispered prayer for fertility.
In an uncomfortable moment, she can’t help but wonder if people will be able to tell that the baby’s father was a turkey baster.
Lost
Two things were playing on his mind. The first being that they’d misspelt his name on the wanted poster.
Holiday
I went to the pier today.
It reminded me of Perth, of sun, of love, of food, of champagne, of sex, of falafel, and of you, asleep with damp hair, mid-afternoon.
Harper Valley Redux
Nobody really liked her; however, that didn’t stop her from sashaying (like a cat in heat) out onto the stage, wearing the tightest, shortest (Harper Valley PTA sleazy) hooker red dress we – or probably anyone else for that matter – had ever seen, to accept (without any reservations) the award for teacher of the year. Of course, the pubescent young men present erupted into thunderous applause, dog woofs, and whistling (a sound akin to what happens when someone scores a touchdown at the Superbowl), while the girls and adults – totally embarrassed by this flagrant sexual display – sat silent with looks of disdain and arms folded as she stepped up to the microphone and said,
“I want to thank you all for this honor, which I could not have possibly imagined that I would win; however, I cannot accept it, and would like at this time, to present it to my friend and colleague, Mary White, who is a better teacher, better person, better dresser (greeted by snorts and laughter) and is not having an affair with the principal,”
and, this being said, then handed the plaque to Mrs. White (who had been runner up), turned and walked out of the auditorium, which had fallen into complete and utter silence.
The Slut
Every Friday night for the last 20 years, the party girl made the rounds at the local bars, getting smashed, singing karaoke, and finally, at closing time, selecting the lucky guy to take her home where they had wild, random, stranger sex.
Now pushing 40, as she sits alone at the bar, used up and no longer attractive or desired, she asks the bartender, “Where did everyone go?”
Gandhi
Me and Gandhi are quite alike you know.
We both dug the chicks, for starters.
Work
I get paid.
I get laid.
Jam
If you were a jar of jam, I bet your lid wouldn’t pop when I opened you.
You’ve been opened before, like lots of times right?
Huddle
As we huddled next to the fire, our huddling turned to closeness which turned to kissing which turned to extreme kissing which turned into a night of passion.
I confess I brought on that ice-age so you’d huddle with me.
Love Song
Sweat glistened on bodies joined in carnal dance, trickled over softly rounded landscapes, dipped into secret valleys, while the frenzy increased. After echoes of the last soaring crescendo diminished, the slickened bodies separated, heartbeats slowed, and passion cooled the weeping love had ignited.