You’re not the last thing on my mind.
You’re around the high three thousands.
Collection
Is it just me or is a collection of any critical mass just creepy?
Ceramic puppies, monkey toys, keychains, spoons, machetes.
Blue plastic
My nieces loved the bit in Hotel for Dogs where Lisa Kudrow falls in deep do do. Otherwise it was crap.
Today
Today, tired and exhausted, I stretched and leaned back, hands behind my head, to reach the back of my chair like I always do.
Today, I was sitting on a stool.
Pray
I pray to robot god.
I know I’m a disgusting meat machine but I can do better!
King
The King of the Eyesores visited our town today in his carriage of mouldy meat.
We threw eggs, rotten fruit and toxic waste, as we’re meant to.
Titanic
I wasn’t crying!
I had too much water to drink and my emergency water overload system kicked in and it just happened to be at the end of Titanic, ok?
Confirmation
I am in love with you.
Awaiting confirmation.
Say That Again?
Determined that her first day as a radio DJ at the oldies station was going to be positively perfect, with no trip ups or faux pas or any umms or ahs, she studied the play sheet with all the artists’ names on it.
Taking a deep breath, her very first one over the air, she proudly announced the forthcoming song by her favorite twosome:Simon and Fargunkel.
Sharia rock
Yeah, rock that guitar.
Sharia law hits hard.
Fatherhood
I went to the grocery store today to pick up a twelve pack of Mountain Dew, and as I left I heard a man speaking spanish to his young son, disciplining him. I couldn’t understand his words.
Awoke
I awoke on a pool table in the middle of a crowded bar.
As usual, I got up, made my pool table, and went to work.
Fly
I commanded my dog to sit, and he did.
Fly!
UNequilibrium
His face is somber, strained, mouth pinched tight as he witnesses the man and woman exchanging vows on this lovely California day, and his eyes shimmer wetly.
I know he’s crying for the happy couple and for us, and as I hear the priest say, ‘I now pronounce you husband and wife,’ I reach for his hand and whisper to him, “We could go to Massachusetts.”
Flirt
While you were gone we would flirt with flirting, pretend touches and exquisite silences.
When you came back we pretended nothing happened at all.
A fools belief
Bernard was sure he knew what he was doing. His Mother disagreed as she confirmed the man under the concrete block was her son.
Two Sentence Story bookmarks
Hi everyone, so I had people emailing me about Goldfish illustrated, suggesting it would make a good bookmark.
I’d like to gauge interest in printing up some bookmarks from the stories on this website. I’m thinking five different bookmarks, full-colour double-sided. This means a single bookmark would have a story on each side.
In total, ten different stories would be made into bookmarks. They would cost $1 each or buy the set of five for $4.
Using online estimators, the postage within Australia would be about 0.55-$1. For US/UK and everyone else in the world it would be somewhere between $2.50-$4.50 AUD for postage.
The bookmarks are 40mm wide by 150mm tall, so clearly there would be some design constrictions which would affect which stories could be printed up.
Anyways, I’m leaving this post up so you can tell me if it’s a good idea (as in, you’d be a customer) and which stories you would like to see made into a bookmark. Leave your reply in the comments and vote on this page.
If enough people reply and vote then I’ll start putting up designs for voting. The best designs win.
cheers,
Mat
Whatev
Say yes and we’ll run away together.
Or whatev.
Elephant In The Parlour
Even in the heat of Summer she is swaddled in layers of clothing, wrapped shut in sleeves and smocks and cardigans, growing ever-smaller within them as time drifts on.
Lazy in her living room, Sunday afternoon stories drifting over me like soup-spill, I wonder what I have often wondered: if her arms are kept covered to hide the tattoo that must be there, the one that we don’t talk about.
Retirement
When you said “attention everyone” I thought for a second you would actually say something interesting.
Like about how the guy leaving was a horrible person to work with, an insufferable bore and many of us there would happily kill him if we thought we could get away with it.