An arm hugged me tight.
My sister was sleeping on the opposite end of the room.
Advice
We slept together twice, in case you’ve forgotten.
Maybe you should stop asking my advice on your next doomed relationship.
The Truth Seeker
“David Harold Ashley, I’ve told you dozens of times thinking vulgar thoughts about girls is a sin and now I catch you masturbating in spite of knowing you’re headed straight for hell!!” After Mom ranted out and slammed the door of her thirteen-year-old’s room, he retied his bathrobe, turned on the computer and googled “atheism”.
Struggling
I’ve been struggling with the idea of utterly destroying your career.
I’m wondering if I’ll be able to live with myself (I think so).
4K(reepy) TV
Not long after having freed my new flat screen from its styrofoam and plastic packaging, its brilliant glow fills my room. The only thing is…I haven’t had the chance to plug it in yet…
Tears
When I read your book, it brought me to tears.
Not in a good way, you understand.
Halloween
Halloween is my favorite day of the year. It’s the only day that I can walk down the street covered in blood and carrying a sack of severed body parts without being judged.
The Tree
I cut down the tree in my front yard last week because the branches kept scratching and banging on my bedroom window every night. I’m starting to think the tree was the least of my problems, since the scratching and banging hasn’t stopped.
Voices
I went to a psychologist for the voices in my head and he prescribed me some pills. The pills didn’t stop the voices, but at least now I can see what they belong to.
Barbeque
Since I get free meat from work, I throw a barbeque party at least once a month. I guess that’s one of the benefits of working at an abortion clinic.
Parents
My father wasn’t too bad, but I still prefer my mother. Of course, now that I think of it, I may have just overcooked him.
The Corpse
I found a dead body buried in my garden. I wonder what happened to the other one.
Bite
Through various games I’ve managed to get all my girlfriends to bite me.
I’m plotting right now how to get your teeth in my arm.
Responsibility
Man, when you took me down from that shelf I thought you understood the responsibility you were assuming.
You’re going out and leaving me alone again?
Aren’t alone
All the dead pets of the world frolic in the afterlife with all the dead children.
It makes me happy to know my brother and Blackie aren’t alone.
Dill
I seen Dill Pickles that i will never unsee
Alone?
I was alone at my home, looking at my mirror, seen someone behind me with a knife, slowly inching forward.
Alone?
I was alone at my home, looking at my mirror, seen someone behind me with a knife, slowly inching forward.
Hello?
I was alone sleeping, then I heard a noise, saying “come out, come out where ever you are”. He was behind me
The Ex
Eric: You know Hawaii looks really good on you.
Emily: You know Herpes looks awful on you.