Clem Sulfide was dead drunk when the aliens invaded, so he missed the conquest entirely. When he sobered up, he never noticed the difference.
Category: Competition
Competition
Let it come to you
I’ve always wondered…why would anyone need to paddle up shit creek? If you want the crap that badly, just stand in the water and it will come to you.
The Day the Sadness Ended
At last, my life is over.
The End.
Tragedy #2
One bright summer morning, she wakes up crying. She doesn’t love him anymore.
AstroKnothead
Thinking with his genitalia had gotten Crispin Snatscatcher in trouble many a time. Though none of his planetary invasions had proven fatal thus far, most of the habitable worlds in the galaxy were teeming with unviable mutants that were the results of his, shall we say, alien encounters.
A Fable of Sorts
Somewhat disoriented after waking up in a strange hotel room after his first night in town, Belson Crandle could not remember where he put his shoes. He finally found them in the ice bucket, newly polished and filled with vanilla pudding and dead mice.
Were They Strong?
She was a Doctor at a children’s hospital in Nagasaki starting the day after the bomb.
Her first day there lasted 103 hours, but even then she could not sleep for the horror.
Dud Muffin
Every single night, I sleep with me, myself, and I. I consider myself lucky to have daily threesomes.
Stir-fry of Doom
She had an abortion the other night. It was delicious, though a little crunchy.
Were They Strong?
Yes, I knew Anna quite well, and I can tell you before you even ask that she definitely wrote the six cello suites in 1721 because Bach told me so; and he also said that she could out-write him on any stringed instrument… “NO question!”, he would yell it out.
They had 13 children, yet she was buried at Leipzig in a pauper’s grave and was never recognition for her genius… go figure.
A Dish Best Served Cold
After all the ghouls had been destroyed, Mike returned to the graveyard where his mother was buried. In her casket, he found only a menu serving the former contents at $5.99 a plate.
Where They Strong?
I will not forget that it was September, 1914, the Marne; and she was working with her usual fury at a first aid station only 250 meters behind d’Esperey’s Fifth Army line.
I was there 30 seconds after the shell hit, and even 60 years later, I can close my eyes and see her beautiful, dead face.
Were They Strong?
‘Yes filthy King, against your “law” I gave my brother sacred burial, and for this you murdered me by starvation; yet look ye now, repulsive pig, as thrusting from its grave, my hand brings you low!’
Thus beneath joyous Gods, a pious Antigone crushes a reckless King.
Were They Strong?
No I didn’t know her well… no one did actually, but I know she was 23 when she died.
It was Amsterdam in 1944, and she was still running her Jew-hiding network… even a few gypsies… when the Gestapo got her, raped her a few times and hung her from a meat hook with piano wire.
Grilled Sleaze Sandwich
The Bangkok Suites may have been a cheap motel, but Babs Crasshank knew she was cheaper by far. As she searched the bottle-littered room for her pantyhose, she had a scotch-soaked half cigarette and one of last night’s fortune cookies for breakfast.
Another Leader Another Betrayal
I spoke with the Emperor this morning, and he is leaving Moscow for Paris this evening with eight teams of extra horses. The Army is to follow in the morning; yet I fear that we are all dead.
Fateful Day
She loved me once, but now she’s marrying someone else. No matter – people are filing into the church, and my revenge shall be sweet.
Moving Day
She smiled, turned the key in the lock, then walked away from the empty old house for the last time, jumped into her car and drove off following the moving van down the deserted country road.
Inside the attic walls only the spiders and mice could hear the steady heartbeat of the man who lay muffled and bound in the pitch black.
Anal Economics
You say the “invisible hand of the marketplace” should be allowed to sell cigarettes to little children all over the third world?
I say, “Take that invisible hand and FIST yourself with it”.
Dating help
I read: “single mum loves to dance and keep fit doing so (i am a size 8 ) whose happy with her body and the skin I’m in and love my motor sport needs to love a guy who loves to dance and has a natural high energy level and is single, honurst, kind, passionate, careing, romantic, and has a high sex drive.” Cheryl, I said, “you’ve mis-spelled ‘honest’”.