I paced the room for hours wondering how to tell you I didn’t want to be with you anymore.
Then you died in a car accident on the way to my house and I was SO relieved.
Category: Two Sentence Stories
Dr V
For years my sister wrote letters from “Dr. Vagina” to the city councillors representing every town issue through the viewpoint of the effect on town vaginas.
The day the police arrived was the first time I ever saw my mother laugh so hard she cried.
Good move
My girlfriend said I fuck just like her ex-boyfriend.
Good move, soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend!
Search
Search and seek.
Freak.
Worthy pursuit
After I slept with you my whole life suddenly made sense.
The only worthy pursuit in life is access to vagina!
Answers
There are answers at the bottom of a shot glass actually.
And the more answers you get to, the funnier they are.
Acting
My greatest acting moment was squeezing out tears as I walked away from you.
Next up: acting like I am really broken up about it all.
Scene
A scene witnessed many times.
A girl I’ve fucked and a girl I’m going to fuck shake hands and I hear “Hi, I’m Mat’s girlfriend.”
Darling
Darling I love everything about you from the top of your precious head to the tip of your perfect toes.
I especially love that muscle clench thing you do with your ass, too.
Hobbies
My hobbies include remembering happier times, imagining a successful version of me attending our high school reunion and hoping we find alien life before I die.
C’mon Mars Rover, you can do it!
Moment
She borrowed my pen and a moment loomed.
Next time, next time, next time I’ll speak.
Little steps
The way you get to hell is by little steps, so small you can hardly tell you’ve moved at all.
This is also the way you get your girlfriend to try out anal.
Chatter
The fact everyone dies is the one thing that keeps me going.
I hear you chatter and I think … please you next.
Storylines
Many TV series have their storylines altered by actors coming and going.
Do you wonder if it is for the best … for the worst?
In love
At the end, we were in love with other people.
She, with me of the past, me, with she of the past.
SUV
Climate change is real and will result in the ice-caps melting and the oceans rising.
I’m hoping that it all happens in one day and every fucking SUV driving American is at the beach.
Unmarried
I’ve reached the age where all the unmarried girls around me are really starting to get desperate.
You’d be amazed of all the slutty things they do.
Offer
Your offer of a special eight-month infatuation package with free extras such as wild sex at the start but none later and crying really late at night is quite intriguing.
Throw in a free t-shirt and some affection coupons I’ll never redeem and you got yourself a deal.
To a good home
People are always giving away pets and some of them say they’ll visit but they never do.
Me and my brother are forever grateful as we lower the mewling bucket down the well to Dad.
Flailing
I may be failing as I flail around for some meaning in this life.
Just gonna flail harder (and fail harder).