Isn’t it strange how situations can occur that flash us right back to an earlier experience?
Just yesterday I was trying to fit a tiny cowboy hat on a distinctly unimpressed goldfish and I suddenly thought of our first date.
How to strike loose a writer’s block.
My hands wouldn’t write what I wanted them to, so I went at both of them with the largest hammer I could find in the house.
As I slipped in my own blood and fell towards the floor, it occurred to me that the pain I felt was more satisfying than any poetry I’d ever scribbled down on the blue-lined tear-streaked pages I called a journal.
Writer
Usually I say I write when people ask me what I do at work.
Actually, I write, I surf the web, I think about wasted time, I try to stop myself feeling bored, I laugh with the guys I work with, I resist the chiming calls from the back of my brain to just quit, just quit, just quit, just quit, just quit, justquitjustquitjustquit…
Sir
He woke up underneath his desk, still clutching an empty bottle of whiskey. He dumped it, smoothed down his hair and shirt and sighed before opening the classroom door to let his students in.
Cold
My feet are cold.
Just like my hear…mwah ha ha heart.
Resistance
I hid behind a fence and watched the patrol cruise on by.
The resistance is building and soon we will strike back at our furry masters.
Be me
I wonder about those writers who write the words I see people on TV saying.
I wonder if one day that could be me.
Huddle
As we huddled next to the fire, our huddling turned to closeness which turned to kissing which turned to extreme kissing which turned into a night of passion.
I confess I brought on that ice-age so you’d huddle with me.
Cutie-pie
I want to bake a cutie-pie.
Three cuties, skin off and sliced please.
silly girls.
silly girls get hurt.
she carved it in her leg, the prettiest of reds, just so she wouldn’t forget.
Misheard
I misheard the lyric but it was still true.
I got Jew on my mind.
Soap
I had claimed I wouldn’t know him from a bar of soap.
So when they had the line-up, him standing with four bars of soap, I had to pick one of the bars as the criminal just so I wouldn’t look like a liar.
New particles
Physicists are currently working to discover all kinds of new particles.
I’ve got one for them: fuckingboredatworkium.
Land of Jenn
Ferocious bears, giant bugs, frog princes, and beautiful flowers that smell like pumpkins live in this land. They occupy the little cottage in the wood, the one where I live too.
The Coin
I gave a 1-peso coin to a child, who knocked on my car’s windshield when I stopped on a red light. I did not notice that the coin escaped from his tiny hands and he crawled under my car just when the light turned green.
Letterbox
I packed my vital organs into a box and shipped them off.
Every day I check the letterbox.
Answers
I’ve got all the answers.
27, the Earl of Sandwich, Mount Fuji, a maker of hats, check it out yeah.
Sense
If the various viruses, germs and parasites that depend solely on humans for life had any sense they’d do something about this whole nuclear war, climate change, overpopulation, fat people, thin people, teenagers etc problem.
Wake up cold virus and realise that without us, you’re fucked mate.
Handcuffs
When I go to parties I sneak in a pair of handcuffs and hide them in the fridge.
It makes parties awesome and no one ever knows who did it.
Jobs
I don’t want to call you because I know it will end with you asking for money again.
There are plenty of jobs around – what exactly is the problem getting one?