At work I always tell the truth.
I’ve been fired like three times.
Author: admin
Knees
She used to get down on her knees a lot.
Not for praying.
Phone
That super-duper awesome new phone you have?
It’s still only going to ring as much as the old one.
Wife
My wife is made of folded paper.
I love her creases.
Cake
Let us bake a cake.
A cake of doooooooommmmmm!
View
What if aliens turn up and see that almost everything on this planet kills and consumes other things to survive?
What if they look at us with the same disgust we view cannibals?
Meaning
After three hours of meditating I divined a glimpse of deep and profound meaning.
I was kinda hungry a little too, not starving, but I coulda definitely had a snack of some kind.
Charmour
Before heading out to pick up girls I put on my charmour.
It’s so … shiny and big … they love it.
Wish
I went to the well and wished for true love.
Then I saw a guy in this awesome rocket-powered time machine with mega lasers and I think I wasted my wish.
Hat
I dropped a hat as I made a quick decision.
Later I would say I made it ‘at the drop of a hat’.
Ballerina
The ballerina leapt.
She still couldn’t reach the sky.
Wife
My wife thought she knew me.
So funny what people think.
iPod
The kids you raise may one day choose your nursing home.
That is why I deserve an iPod for my birthday.
Invitation
Tia tried out many invitations to boys over the years.
The most successful: come conquer me.
Hid
I hid the cash in the drawer, knowing you would search for it and then steal it.
I wish our relationship was better so when you needed something you could ask and when you asked, I would give.
I return
Every day I go to work and on the drive I swear I’m never going home again.
By the end of the day I’m so tired that I can’t think of where else to go and so home I return.
Might
I haven’t taken down your photos or thrown away your clothes or tipped out your perfume.
I think you still might come back.
Egotistical
I felt alive despite the relentless pressure.
I’d call it self-sacrificing if it wasn’t so egotistical.
Truthfully
He always answered the question “Do you have a girlfriend” truthfully with “No, but I sometimes have other men’s girlfriends”.
Each and every single girl laughed and tapped his shoulder and foolishly failed to think it through.
Jewish wedding
The Jewish wedding and someone faints.
No one calls out “is anyone a doctor?”