Author: admin

I am the latest in technology.
I sensed your heartbeat quickening as you stepped closer to me.

Everyone makes one mistake.
Perhaps you were mine.

Life is an adventure so dangerous it will cost you your life.
Otherwise, what the fuck are you here for?

I considered starting the revolution.
Then I decided to give in to consumption instead.

Bring me my diamond bananas!
Bring me my ruby spider!

Two sentence stories.
Much better than just one.

Garlic, wooden stakes, holy water, crucifix, silver bullets, horseshoes and a blessed bible and I’m off to work!
Corporate mergers and acquisitions mostly.

The one thing we’re all waiting for?
It’d be the bloody miracle, wouldn’t it?

You doubt my buttons ‘o bread?
Way better than your buttons ‘o stupid.

Fired, fired, fired.
Joy, joy, joy.

Will some clever people one day develop robots so incredibly good at fucking that each of us will abandon sticking it to humans?
Will our last days be spent in a haze of pseudo-flesh, a nil birth-rate and the collapse of the nappy industry?

I haven’t forgotten the look of greedy delight on your face when I told you I was fired and you thought my dreams were over for sure.
(I wanted to be fired and I’m still following my dreams, asshole.)

I went to school with a two-time Brownlow medal winner.
I could win the Nobel prize now and he would still be more famous.

Twice in the same day I saw the t-shirt “Say No to Kryptonite”.
All this instruction is making me want to say yes.

Every single day I come to work and hear you talk about marketing and brands and building the brand I wish for a virus to escape a Russian lab and spread across the world, wiping out all humanity.
I want you to be one of the last people to die so you can really appreciate that building the brand really is NOT FUCKING IMPORTANT!