Two Sentence Stories

He rode off into the night, mittens of soft fog closed around them, momentarily brushing across his face and touching the flanks of the horse as if protecting hands were reaching down from above, pushing them safely along on their journey.

It was fitting somehow that the fierce battle earlier in the night between brave William and faithless Lord Drak, had ended with Drak bleeding on the ground, slain under the bright moon with a sword, which had been guided by an unseen but ever present hand, and the conquering champion William now riding off into a mist enshrouded night, traveling by faith alone through the darkness, unscathed.

Every day she saw the kids, grouped in a suspicious huddle under a pepper tree in the local park,and decided not to call the police.
Her mother’s pain was significantly eased by the hash cakes made from theproduct of the young drug dealers.

The SWOOSH as the ball is collected by the force of the tightly angled clubface is enough to make you sigh with relief. Then watching it fly swiftly through the air, before making a sharp right turn toward the trees is enough to make you cringe.

The grasshopper
was large,
and still,
and as I got closer
clearly brave
or stoned
because it didn’t move,
even when I was a footfall away.

Then I realized; it had happened to die standing on all six legs.

Hurro!

The third weekly winner is “Free” by Jean Blasiar. Prize of $50 AUD. Enough to buy a micro-advertisement printed on the wing of a butterfly.

Why I love “Free”

The unknown presumed crime intrigues me.  What could possibly happen so one person is free from responsibility yet the other is not? Then what could possibly happen to fill an entire book?  I think I imagined some Russian scandal, a 1984-ish world where two party members disagreed and that disagreement lead to betrayal.

I particularly like it for the implied connection between the two people in the story. Perhaps they were friends, co-creators, a team working together to make something great. Then, as some teams do … it all broke down in a flurry of lawsuits and accusations.

Congratulations!

Comma Comma, killer of winners

There are a few stories I love but won’t win because of misplaced commas. I know what they’re trying to say but what they are saying is something else.

I suggest trying out your story (and all writing in general) sans commas to see if it still is correct. Peppering needless commas in the place of mental pauses is incorrect.

If you are using commas parenthetically, like this, then you need to ensure if the phrase enclosed within commas was removed the sentence is still correct.

–          You might notice a “that” could be added to the above sentence. But would this improve the comprehension of the sentence? This is the purpose of grammar – to improve and enhance comprehension.

“Commas,” said Mathew, “go inside quotation marks when writing dialogue.”

“Certainly,” said the three-toed sloth, not looking up from the chessboard.

Enough grammar.  Wikipedia’s comma article is a good read.

I’ve struggled with awarding prizes to fantastic stories that have a grammatical problem. My writer half says chill out and award it with a corrected version below. My editor half is strict and wants to karate-chop anyone committing a grammatical error (myself included).  Should I privately write back to the author and show them how to improve their work? Or should I do so publicly so everyone can learn from it?  Argh, I don’t know.  Suggestions welcome.

BIG prizes next week!

Next Sunday I’ll be awarding a $150 first prize, a $100 second prize and a $50 third prize!

All stories entered up to 6pm Sunday 1^st March (Australian East coast time) are eligible for prizes. Write write write! Swamp the site!

Clarification: (because clarity is what good writing is all about) — ALL entries for the entire competition time and all new entries are eligible for the grand prizes.  That means an entry from weeks ago can win and one submitted at three minutes to six on March 1st can win!

Cheers,

Mat