I wouldn’t want to be in Tiger Woods’ shoes today.
He got caught playing eighteen holes with a single ball.
Dew
They called him a dew-hater.
Who hates little drops of water I thought.
Writer
Every year it gets a bit harder to say it with a straight face.
Hi, I’m Mat and I’m a writer.
Racism again
Do you have bok choy?
No, he doesn’t work here anymore.
Reason
A raisin is a dried grape.
A reason is also a dried grape.
Tomorrow is another day.
Multiple Sclerosis is not a fun disease, but luckily it is a slow one.
No known cause and no known cure…
..but research is the technical term for hope.
Drank deep
It was not something to be enjoyed, it was something to be milked.
We drank deep and then moved on (again).
Spare time
In my spare time I made paper.
In my other time I made the sun.
Love and the peanut
Love picked up the phone.
Underneath there was a lost peanut.
A Modern Mindset
Let me be forever thrilled by this thing; a trivial signal broadcast on a string, for entertainment’s the only thing that really ever matters to me.
If you call me shallow, I shall ask, “Upon which bank of the river are you standing, or are you really under the current, looking up?”
Senility
Closing his eyes, he stepped into the cool breeze, allowing Autumn to wrap him in her loving embrace.
He heard an exasperated voice behind him shout, “Dad, Grandpa’s taken his clothes off again!”
Self Portrait
The uncountable dead lay strewn about the Killing Fields, bearing oblivious witness to the dawn.
A lone figure surveyed his artwork in anguish, “What have I done?”
Robbery at Notre Dame
“What happened to all your leads in the Belltower-Bandit case?” asked a snarky young reporter.
The surly cop replied, “When I get a hunch back, I’ll let you know.”
Addict
I used to be an addict.
Seven-thousand words when I hit bottom.
Country Side
Coming from the country side people ask whether I miss the flowers or the forests the most.
In truth what I miss most is the smell of mown grass.
Alone
I don’t want to learn to be alone.
I’d rather learn the bassoon.
The Hungry Stars
After flying across space for a thousand years in suspended animation, an astronaut awoke to feel his arm being torn apart by jagged teeth. A hissing voice echoed in his head, “I can’t believe he’s not butter!”
A bruise and a kiss
I kissed her softly on the bruise I’d left on her cheek.
Then we hugged there, still wearing our kimonos, and made up.
Melt
You can melt sand to make glass.
You can melt me to make confetti.
Food critic
The towering steak is buttressed by a gothic wall of potato.
He was an architect before he became a food critic.