It be true, I is so literit. Proof be that I gots a book accepted by Publish America so’s you know I be a smaht riter.
This time with feeling
A trip to the park with you is always a treat. This time we got exactly what we wanted.
trust
i got to spend time with you. it only costed me my families trust and $40.
Why the Annual SPECTRE Banquet Is So Poorly Attended
2000 volts coursed through his chair and fried him. “You know the penalty for spilling Pinot Noir on our silk tablecloth,” said Number One.
Bag
A bag of bananas is very expensive.
It doesn’t hold much, either.
Spoonful
I put a spoonful of dirt into my mouth.
Yes, I can see how you didn’t like this, I said.
Agricultural Words
A writer is like the farmer who grazes his words and prepares them for market.
An editor is like the butcher who hacks the stories up into savory morsels for the reader’s consumption.
Silence
Silence is never understood .
If so , you wouldn’t wait to read my next sentence .
A Joke
I can’t meet you today,I need to study.
Next moment she was smiling at the joke.
Earthworms
You agree the earthworms don’t know you exist?
Well, you’ve got to get out and make an effort.
Helpless
You are an athlete .
And I can’t even stand !
Burnt
I burnt down a swimming pool.
My next trick: an iceberg!
Held Back
When we talked we both could tell we liked each other. The only thing that stopped us was ourselves.
Not Writing
The desk chair is once again empty. The pages are still blank.
Chicken
After the chicken exploded, dad said, you kids get in the car.
Disneyland is weird.
Great
Man it so could have been great.
Woman it so could have been great.
Fret
I swear it is the last time.
Don’t fret, my little ochre space-dog.
Tree
I asked a tree.
Yes, it does make a sound.
Vampires
You’ve seen vampires.
They look into your eyes and say they love you.
Coffin
The dead man stared at the coffin lid.
I’ll take it, he said.