I look back in to the past to attempt to solve modern problems in order to alter the future.
The Bandwagon
I’d rather fall off the bandwagon than to follow it.
Airport Security
I don’t need a full body scan at the airport because I don’t believe in a higher power.
Moon Walking
If you moon walk, you could die due to lack of oxygen like Michael Jackson.
Rockstar
The rockstar was born eleven days after I was.
I should probably stop measuring myself against him if I ever want to be happy.
Toothpaste
Her teeth glowed so bright I had to wear an eye mask to bed.
That is a really good toothpaste.
Text Life
“Good morning,” she said, smiling at the guy she had spent the whole night texting with, hoping for a reply. He walked passed her, almost breaking her heart, when her phone buzzed with a text: “Good morning :)”, he said.
Placement
Jump down here please.
Place the bomb here please.
Wonder
Drunk on the couch again, but this time I can hear thunder outside.
Wonder if I’ll forget this night.
Lost
You died in my arms. I died in yours a hundred times.
Gradual
It happened so gradually that I didn’t really notice how I changed.
I suppose it started when I bought that silver belt buckle and now four years later everyone just refers to me as “the Cowboy”.
Publish
I wonder if I’ll publish a book.
Of my own, I mean.
Fall
I broke my fall.
Next up, I’ll break my winter.
Cold
I’m sorry I was so cold to you.
I’ve pushed my love down so far that it’s now covered with a hundred feet of ice.
Match
I match people with movie titles.
You used to be Clueless but now you’re just Jackass.
Talk
If you really knew how much I cared you would have walked across to me.
Instead you sit and talk and think that will work rather than just standing up and coming over.
Ugh.
I’m sitting alone in the basement. This is getting ridiculous.
Invention
Best, most satisfying invention, like ever?
Vagina – by God.
Babe
Hey babe, let’s go home and do a little meat-packing.
I’ll bring the meat.
Scientific Bureaucrat Blues
NASA has proposed a new eco-friendly rocket ship powered by two monkeys and a bicycle.
The project is expected to cost fifty trillion dollars, and will make it to Uranus in about fifty million years, assuming they don’t run out of bananas.