It was that time of year again, spring, and this year Pat was determined to cut down the apple tree that seemed to attract bees every year that gave him bad dreams. A few minutes with a reciprocating saw, a loud crack and a quick rustle as the branches fell to the ground was followed by the sound from Pats nightmares: thousands of bees bursting from their now grounded nest, attacking Pat in their rage and killing him within minutes.
Death Penalty for Sideburns
It was a big day, and he wanted to look his clean-shaven best. But now his sideburns were deceased, having been executed by overzealous experimentation and a hungry Mach3 razor.
Windowface and the vodka
It had to be the clear liquid burning, the vodka, that made that face appear in the blackness of the night outside the window. But it wasn’t, it wasn’t the vodka at all, because now the face was back, and now it wasn’t afraid to be seen — and yes, it looked angry.
Fantasy Baseball Child
I was asked to be a surrogate drafter for my friend’s fantasy baseball team. I’ll do that — I’ll take a couple hours and create the team — but I refuse to be there as it grows up, and breaks hearts, and teases, and disappoints.
It’s all fun and games until you’re partially eaten by housecats
Danny thought it was hilarious to joke that his cat Michael Myers had not eaten for a week. He found it less funny when Michael Myers ate most of his forehead later that day.
Scaffolding Nightmare
“What happened to the construction workers?” she asked. “They were decapitated by the barber’s scissors,” he replied.
Late Night
“It’s a beautiful rain outside. Would be perfect for movies, you lazybones” – i wrote her.
Secret Admirer
She looks so beautiful tonight. I wonder if she can see me.
Wey Stedyooni Curn
He cantered lifelessly along under the silver bean’s moonbeams feeling beaten and broken. Once unique, he’s now a freak, and he’s only that horse with the sickhorn.
Youthful Optimist
How quick the skycotton cloud goes through a relentless remould while retaining it’s totality. How honest the unendomed sky reflects our going of grey-and-gold and life’s futility.
Exclamation Mark!
Some girls I know were playing a game where they joked about what punctuation each of their friends most resembled, for example comma, period, semi-colon, etc. They told me I was the exclamation mark, and I smiled at them while thinking: that one’s the most phallic!
Dialogue
Conversations between “the past” and “the future” usually have a slightly uneasy quality about them. The past nervously babbles too much, while the future smiles enigmatically, betraying nothing…
Different Opinions
“Daddy! A mime!” the little boy jumped up and down clapping with joy. “No, an idiot,” his dad said pushing him forward.
Anger
I looked at her angrily. While my memory, in seconds, took me back to things happened earlier, I instantly recovered my consciousness and saw a dead body before me.
Loving Embrace
She remained quiet and still as he held her tightly and cried.
“Know that I will always love you.” he said while breaking his embrace and letting her body fall gently back into the casket.
If Wishes Came True
He looked worried, so she couldn’t help but ask, “What’s wrong?”
The seven year old boy answered, “If wishes came true, I’d hate to be the kid in the Oscar Meyer Hot Dog Commercial.”
Three Days Later
Looking back, she realized that where she went wrong that evening wasn’t the alcohol, the sex, the drugs, or even the second round of all those things. It was when she yielded the right of way to that damned taxi on 34th.
Progression
The first time I slept over, we were sober and did not make love. But in the morning, there was warm skin under the covers, then coffee, then trust.
“You see?” she shrieked, “You see what you’ve done?”
“No, but I wish I could.” he replied.
Winter’s Embrace
Nika looked up at Abner, lassoed her arms around him and squeezed. The snow-matted branch of a wind-mangled pine tree scratched against the window as another gust of wind stretched the linking wooden beams of the nearly buried cabin.