Category: Two Sentence Stories

A company would fire you without hesitation if it were good for business.
That is why we don’t tell companies our true goals.

The lady whose son almost drowned said “of course it was a mother’s worst nightmare”.
As soon as she said it I wondered if she had had that one with the box puppets, the creeping dark and the man rolling the stone across the endless cold marble.

Each adult has a button connected to sex marked “hostile to the world”.
If it’s not pressed every few months or so, watch out.

Your birthday passed on by and I pretended not to really think about it.
But I could think of nothing else.

All my friends say it will get better.
And I say it’s a soufflé – this is as good as it gets.

Hey, want to know another secret?
It’s really hard to make new friends without drinking.

Walking into the kitchen today I had a flash of blinding inspiration.
I’m not sure the inspiration – we’re all fucked – was worth my vision.

I refused the news.
Give me the olds, I said.

I woke up this morning with the head of a jelly-baby in my bed.
When the ant mafia want something, give it to them.

I used to wonder why you didn’t tell me what happened to you when you were young.
Then I realised it was because you could not withstand my pity.

The football team called her peanut butter.
Kind of an odd name for such a friendly girl don’t you think?

They said ‘artistic feminist expressions’.
I said ‘artistic feminist impressions’.

Ok, I confess!
I filled your room with balloons.

So putting golden rings around your neck can make it appear longer.
I wonder what else a guy could put golden rings around?