Category: Two Sentence Stories

I was trying to avoid a scene.
It’s a puppy in a cape, a talking horse and a cake – nothing to get worked up about.

I know you are no longer angry with me.
I worry this is because you no longer care, rather than you’ve forgiven me.

A moment before I leapt off the bus I slapped a stranger across the back of the neck.
Worldwide tag!

I took a bath of light yesterday.
First I loofered up with my elf-soap rock then I massaged essence of fairy dust through my hair and then dried off with a unicorn hair towel.

The puppies of doom, the kittens of death, the ooky pooky bears of the apocalypse.
Yay Evil Pet Shop!

Welcome to corporate slavery and meaningless drudgery.
Oh, I mean welcome to your cubicle.

I can’t be any clearer about my desire for you to be free!
Be free be free be FREE!

Tell her you’re not ready.
If she gets upset distract her with something shiny like a diamond.

Little blond me appeared in a flash and wanted to know what the fuck was going on.
Answering to yourself from the past is far harder than you’d think.

Sex didn’t ruin our friendship.
It changed it into something strange but lovable.

One look turned into one moment turned into one day and night together.
Then, four hundred years before I would see her again.

Just face the facts and realise that mortality will bend you over and fuck you hard.
The best you can hope is that it will be gentle, and possibly that it will involve lubricant.

Never ever admit that you don’t care about money.
Girls claim they want that but they really truly don’t.

Ok, so you are holding me to standard that you don’t meet yourself?
Right – you are so fucking fucked once I get out of this chicken suit.