Author: admin

My parents got the long convoluted reasons why I quit my job.

My friends got the short version: the Swedish girl.

I don’t really have any inner demons.
I’ve got inner lemons though.

Let’s be naughty, she lied.
I’m going to spank you, he lied.

I’ll betcha this happened at Jedi school a lot.
“Whya hitting yourself?”

Hey Gods out there – just wanted to let you know something.
Oh, wait, there’s no one there.

So you were lonely and I was bored and on we went.
Then you got bored and now I’m lonely.

We played the poison game, each time delaying the gulping of antidote.
One of us is going to win pretty soon.

Once I got lost in a huge shopping centre.
They found me pretty quickly but next time they won’t be so lucky.

Find the inspiration and the hope and the joy and the application and combine them all together.
Hope to find somewhere to sell the result before you find the sloth and the greed and the bottle and the endless wasted days.

I have continuity problems.
I’ll tell you what my problem is, I said.

Look, I’m having a little trouble trying to concentrate on your marketing presentation.
Just over an hour ago I was cock deep in my girlfriend and I can still smell her on my fingers (plus you are SO boring it’s not funny).

I write myself letters, seal them, and then write the age I must be when I can open them again.
Man, the me of 82 had better have a sense of humour because that last letter was a little insulting.

If your parents are crazy and bad then you are crazy and bad.
Something I used to believe.

I like vampires, I like giants, I like elves, I like unicorns, I like griffins, I like astronauts, I like walking trees, I like virgins, I like dragons, I like mermaids, I like jews, I like banana bread, I like centaurs, I like demons, I like God, I like butter, I like girls like you.
I like anything mythical, made up, imaginary and completely fantastical.

Does it seem strange that a good word like encourage has rage as part of it?
Or do all good things have an evil part?

I feel sometimes I’m playing the role of my younger self.
He’s funnier, better-looking and way more interesting.