Before boarding the train to a beach town, I once laughed heartily at a guy with oversized glasses and over-gelled hair. Weirdly, on the evening train back into town, he attempted a Back Street Boys’ medley in broken English and somehow won me over to the idea of sharing a gelato.
He broke up with her on October 30. The next night, she threw on red devil horns, walked straight up to the cutest boy at the Halloween party, and explained that her costume was “Woman’s Vengeance.”
They were stupidly passing time, re-telling the worst pick-up lines they’d ever heard. Out of the crowd, one stood out as the clear winner: “Baby, you’re so fine, I’d like to put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!”
At the time, it seemed as though they were really having fun together. But in retrospect, she realized she’d only gone out with him for the excuse to wear pretty dresses.
“Please don’t break up with me,” Gary begged with big, brown puppy-dog eyes. “I love you.”
A part of Allison – however small – wished she had the capacity to love him right now while he was here with her to be loved, but she was well aware that her infatuation with all things past meant she would come to love him several years from now, by which time he would be completely out of reach.
“I’m not eating this jiggly junk,” Jen said pushing the large chilly bowl of quivering blue gelatin away from her.
“Good, cause I’m late for a hot date,” the blue gelatin said before hopping from the bowl.
I toned down what I really thought so you’d go out with me.
Marxism vs Sex – you know what people will always choose, right?
That little chocolate I gave you on our first date was like a little token for your drawbridge.
I didn’t know I’d have to keep paying once it was down.
Only two out of a thousand say yes, aye, but none are worth the time. That’s why you drink — you drink so that most of your tears (and piss) evaporates, so that you won’t freeze when given the cold shoulder.
You want to know another secret?
I went out with you just so I could see what huge double-D breasts were really like (they were ok).
The movie that describes our first date.
Interview with the Vampire.
With eyes closed, languidly resting against the chaise, anticipating her companion’s next move; she hoped for something sweet, whispered flirtations, invitations for a rendezvous or four, and the indirect promise of a romance.
With eyes open, lids heavy, body leaning against hers, showering sweet kisses along her neck, and across her jawline, he hoped that his camouflaged words of sensual promise also conveyed to her the promise of more to come; a future.
The game we played was called “advance and retreat” and she was a master.
Was it a date or not?
Yes, I totally want to date you!
I look forwards to being your baggage.
If you command, she will obey.
Dating secret #6.
“So, essentially, I think time travel is a real possibility, despite the Casimir effect, if we can develop a self-directed artificial intelligence and send it through a natural wormhole in space, because over time it could travel to earth and build a stable artificial portal,” he rambled.
“Have you ever BEEN on a first date before?” she asked.
“You keep on your sunglasses, your colors do not match, you walk like a wimp. I regret I responded to your ad.”
“Honestly, I’m blind.”
The cave beast slithered out of his lair for a quick drink at Starbucks with the unsuspecting girl. “I should have stayed home and gotten drunk by myself watching Lifetime movies,” she thought as he deftly drained the life out of her with his overdeveloped sense of joylessness, honed over a score of years in his mother’s basement.