Category: Two Sentence Stories

The amount you are paying me by the hour isn’t enough to make me forget that I am trading away something irreplaceable.
Lucky for you I don’t have anything better to do right now.

When he said he wanted something else I misunderstood him and offered a different type of cola.
He accepted the different type of cola but for some reason it didn’t make him happy.

If you don’t like soul red we’ve got spirit green or depression blue.
You don’t want that one – it’s marketing shit brown.

Ok, the truth – I am thinking of someone else when we have sex.
It is you, before we got married and you dropped your happiness somewhere.

Three insane ideas really rule my life.
Never go back to someone who has rejected you, making your own t-shirts is interesting to girls, getting fat once you have a girlfriend is ok.

After I lost my girlfriend, my job, my hair and the washing machine blew up, there was only one thing to do.
Lube up, baby and let’s fuck our way outta trouble!

Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Shinto, Confucianism, Christianity, Atheism.
Oh, and Imaginary-a-Tism, too.

As she stormed out of our lives forever she dropped her massive tome of insane rantings.
Most of it was bullshit but she really made some good points about people who insist of using vanilla bean pods over vanilla essence.

Getting your shit together is not a process.
Getting your shit together is not a destination.

I’ve got to the point in my life that all the music I listen to is by dead people.
Not Zombie music, but that all the singers have died, I mean.

Why did you leave?
I had this big piñata just waiting to go.

Wearing that red lipstick totally does not make you look like a whore.
(Whore!)

God is great!
So is pizza!

Some people just don’t understand that when I make a promise I actually mean it.
Yes I died but that isn’t going to stop us being together for eternity!