Category: Two Sentence Stories

Her secret poetry journal was locked in her secret poetry box deep under the floorboards of her secret poetry house.
She died and we searched but all we found was a field with odd patterns of grass.

Losers breed because women have low standards.
C’mon girls – fuck higher up the social hierarchy and breed those motherfuckers out!

We played real life hangman.
Whaddiyou do?

Every time I see some documentary where scientists take ice-core samples, I dream about melting down that ancient ice and drinking it.
Every time I see some documentary about genetics I dream about the day I can finally chomp down on a Stegosaurus steak.

The radio plays some cool hip tunes.
Then, it plays outside.

Somewhere out there is a girl who will one day ask me to fuck her.
I wonder what she is doing right now?

I didn’t know I was a twin until I was sixteen.
It was the same day I was accused of murder.

The new vampire twirled the crucifix in its fingers, took a bite of garlic and washed it down with a sip of holy water.
“None of it is true?” he asked, squinting in the mid-morning sun.

The first date of 2008 went really well.
We talked and laughed and the monster under the bed kept quiet because he is scared of girls.

Every time I see you I feel so happy.
Well, when I say “see” I really mean “watch”.

Shake my hand.
Now turn it over and read your future.

As soon as I paid for the six-pack of doomsday devices I knew I had made a big mistake.
I used like … three and then the rest just sat in the cupboard until I tossed them out, months past their expiry dates.

Stroke your fingers over the crackling plans and marvel at their hubris.
They shall build the most evil house ever!

At work I always tell the truth.
I’ve been fired like three times.

She used to get down on her knees a lot.
Not for praying.

That super-duper awesome new phone you have?
It’s still only going to ring as much as the old one.