I’m in love again, finally.
Oh double cheese-burger, you little tart, I love you!
Category: Two Sentence Stories
Fetch
My dog is made of tennis balls.
He keeps trying to fetch himself.
Tourettes
I have a very CANDY strange type of SUGER-COATED TEDDY-BEAR HUGGING Tourettes.
Soon, soon I shall be FAIRY-KISSING UNICORN FLYING cured.
Drought
I have the solution to the drought!
Cry me a river.
Hooray
Hooray for the future! Who would have believed someone would sleep with you because of a blog post?
Latest in technology
I am the latest in technology.
I sensed your heartbeat quickening as you stepped closer to me.
Mistake
Everyone makes one mistake.
Perhaps you were mine.
Coupons
You gave them to me for my birthday and I expect you to honour them.
I don’t care we’re broken up – these sex coupons are still valid!
Hide
Love found me.
I said, “now you go hide”.
Adventure
Life is an adventure so dangerous it will cost you your life.
Otherwise, what the fuck are you here for?
Goldfish
Goldfish piss in the water they live.
Humans allow them to do this.
Revolution
I considered starting the revolution.
Then I decided to give in to consumption instead.
Diamond and ruby
Bring me my diamond bananas!
Bring me my ruby spider!
Songs
I’ve still got your songs.
I’ll never delete them.
Two sentence stories
Two sentence stories.
Much better than just one.
Work
Garlic, wooden stakes, holy water, crucifix, silver bullets, horseshoes and a blessed bible and I’m off to work!
Corporate mergers and acquisitions mostly.
Waiting
The one thing we’re all waiting for?
It’d be the bloody miracle, wouldn’t it?
Buttons
You doubt my buttons ‘o bread?
Way better than your buttons ‘o stupid.
Fired
Fired, fired, fired.
Joy, joy, joy.
Writing tip
Being a writer mainly is about lying well.
Start with yourself, move to your friends and then the world!