Category: Two Sentence Stories

Some people just don’t understand that when I make a promise I actually mean it.
Yes I died but that isn’t going to stop us being together for eternity!

Months now and I still obsess.
Why did you fall, my delicious ice-cream?

Robots with laser-eyes came to the door.
‘Dear, are you expecting the end of humanity today?’ she said.

Why don’t we just skip this whole getting to know each other stuff and just get married?
Man, no one wants to have fun anymore.

Do you ever think sugar doesn’t actually come from sugar cane?
What if it’s people?

I think I know why I despise vegans so much.
They are practically as far away from being a zombie as possible.

I defeated my demons.
B6 sank their battleship.

They love you for your brains and your stamps.
Zombie postal worker.

You think you look fat in those pants?
How about you take them off and I’ll give you a second opinion?

I decided to invest my spare cash in body fat rather than shares.
When the famine comes then we’ll see who’ll be laughing.

He was Australian but he had an American accent.
He was thirty but he had spent two weeks in America when he was sixteen.

I’d like to be a pirate.
But then I’d be a pirate-ninja-zombie-lawyer-hippie-chef and that would be stupid.

I have a catalogue of every beautiful thing that exists.
(You’re on page 388372.)

Fucking Australia and all the fucking obsession with fucking sport!
“Some football player has sustained a papercut and is in doubt for this weekend, also three billion people have died from an unknown virus, BUT AGAIN, SOME FOOTBALL PLAYER HAS SUSTAINED A PAPERCUT!”

He claimed he like jazz.
He only said it to sound cool.

Yes we spent months hollowing out giant rocks and fitting them with tiny video screens.
Yes we’re preparing for something but it’s a secret.