Tape

After a wonderful first date with Brad, Gloria comes home elated. “I think he’s someone I can be myself with,” she whispers aloud, carefully peeling away the tape holding her penis in place.

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Rating: 6.7/10 (9 votes cast)

The Date

Two teenagers on a date decide to pull over into a parking lot and snack on a few sliders and pops after a night at the movie theater when the young man has the urge to smoke a cigarette. The young man, standing a couple meters away notices a dark silhouette that is quickly zig zagging his way through the trees; feeling uneasy, the boy runs to the car, puts the key in the ignition and looks to his right only to find a man sitting where his girlfriends should be.

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Rating: 3.2/10 (10 votes cast)

Bad Move

On their first and only date, he tried to compliment her, “I wish I’d met you twenty-five years ago, because, you know, you’re pretty now and all; but you probably could’ve stopped traffic then.”

She narrowed her eyes and cocked her head to the side as if examining him and then replied, “I can’t tell about you—were you ever attractive?”

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Rating: 9.1/10 (15 votes cast)

Consolation

I used to fantasize that Zach would go on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” get made over for me, and ask over the special dinner Ted taught him to make if I can ever forgive him for having been so stupid as to turn me down, he was just scared, et cetera, and now he’s realized his mistake and agonized over it, and will I give him a second chance?

Sometimes I would say no and sometimes yes, but invariably, all the Queer Eye guys gasped while watching the clip when I came on the screen and each exclaimed, “Oh she’s delightful,” then another “delicious,” and another “de-lovely!”

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Rating: 4.4/10 (5 votes cast)