Two teenagers on a date decide to pull over into a parking lot and snack on a few sliders and pops after a night at the movie theater when the young man has the urge to smoke a cigarette. The young man, standing a couple meters away notices a dark silhouette that is quickly zig zagging his way through the trees; feeling uneasy, the boy runs to the car, puts the key in the ignition and looks to his right only to find a man sitting where his girlfriends should be.
“You keep on your sunglasses, your colors do not match, you walk like a wimp. I regret I responded to your ad.”
“Honestly, I’m blind.”
On their first and only date, he tried to compliment her, “I wish I’d met you twenty-five years ago, because, you know, you’re pretty now and all; but you probably could’ve stopped traffic then.”
She narrowed her eyes and cocked her head to the side as if examining him and then replied, “I can’t tell about you—were you ever attractive?”
I used to fantasize that Zach would go on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” get made over for me, and ask over the special dinner Ted taught him to make if I can ever forgive him for having been so stupid as to turn me down, he was just scared, et cetera, and now he’s realized his mistake and agonized over it, and will I give him a second chance?
Sometimes I would say no and sometimes yes, but invariably, all the Queer Eye guys gasped while watching the clip when I came on the screen and each exclaimed, “Oh she’s delightful,” then another “delicious,” and another “de-lovely!”
He called to ask her out on Valentine’s and, after some hesitancy said: “Do you believe in poetry?”
She said, “I don’t believe in much of anything,” but she ended up going to the reading downtown with him anyway.
After a wonderful first date with Brad, Gloria comes home elated. “I think he’s someone I can be myself with,” she whispers aloud, carefully peeling away the tape holding her penis in place.
On their first date, she’s curious to know if he’s a man who prays. “Only on the weak,” he says.
Isn’t it strange how situations can occur that flash us right back to an earlier experience?
Just yesterday I was trying to fit a tiny cowboy hat on a distinctly unimpressed goldfish and I suddenly thought of our first date.
The first date of 2008 went really well.
We talked and laughed and the monster under the bed kept quiet because he is scared of girls.
Later I realised I could have read out fortune cookies and you still would have thought we were having a conversation.
Looking forward to the next date!