The amount you are paying me by the hour isn’t enough to make me forget that I am trading away something irreplaceable.
Lucky for you I don’t have anything better to do right now.
Big Top
The thickly applied make-up became grotesque beneath the unforgiving fluorescent lighting, illuminating the horror lurking in the face of a thousand nightmares. I wondered then how I’d managed to wind up in the staff toilets at the Spurling Brothers circus.
Cola
When he said he wanted something else I misunderstood him and offered a different type of cola.
He accepted the different type of cola but for some reason it didn’t make him happy.
Colours
If you don’t like soul red we’ve got spirit green or depression blue.
You don’t want that one – it’s marketing shit brown.
Truth
Ok, the truth – I am thinking of someone else when we have sex.
It is you, before we got married and you dropped your happiness somewhere.
Clean Slate
Robotic computers annihilate mankind. Earth reboots.
Ideas
Three insane ideas really rule my life.
Never go back to someone who has rejected you, making your own t-shirts is interesting to girls, getting fat once you have a girlfriend is ok.
Scarborough Beach
I cry when I remember the walk to Scarborough Beach.
I cry for the loss.
From E.H
Just look at me, I’m rolling over in my grave. What ever happened to writing the old-fashioned way, with pencil?
Love & Bottle of Bleach
I love you…I love you…I love you. “Right, you, ya little twat – clean it off, I’ve just painted that fuckin’ wall!”
The only option
After I lost my girlfriend, my job, my hair and the washing machine blew up, there was only one thing to do.
Lube up, baby and let’s fuck our way outta trouble!
Oh, for Heaven’s Sake
“Lars, the sheep was one thing, but that goat’s hoofs are puncturing the waterbed.”
“But, honey, you said you liked animals.”
A pointless list
Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Shinto, Confucianism, Christianity, Atheism.
Oh, and Imaginary-a-Tism, too.
Finally
Sitting on a stairway, sweat turning my skin into a shiny sheen, I see the light.
“You can come home now.”
Happy Ending
She chortled when she saw me, so I shot her in the heart. But as she lay dying, the look of amusement never left her eyes.
A Fatal Error
When he was given the green light by his government to travel back in time to the dinosaurs’ era, he was so proud of being given the chance to eye-witness an event that beggared description that he forgot, under a state of confusion and bewilderment, to take with him the most essential device.
He forgot the coming back mechanism—a small box that sends signals to the time machine to teleport him back to his era—and was consequently stuck with the dinosaurs without the slightest chance of coming back to the twenty third century, but he kept hoping that the rescue team would show up any time until he realized, after some days of harsh survival, that the time machine, he invented, was holding a tricky device that would ruin its circuits after twenty four hours of his departure.
She Got the Job
She got the job because of something beginning with the letter ‘b’. It wasn’t brains.
Impossibility
Impossibility is not a fact. Impossibility is an opinion.
Enviable
I didn’t say his death was “inevitable”.
I said it was “enviable”.
Tome
As she stormed out of our lives forever she dropped her massive tome of insane rantings.
Most of it was bullshit but she really made some good points about people who insist of using vanilla bean pods over vanilla essence.