There are answers at the bottom of a shot glass actually.
And the more answers you get to, the funnier they are.
Acting
My greatest acting moment was squeezing out tears as I walked away from you.
Next up: acting like I am really broken up about it all.
FD&C red 40
His crew called him Kool Aid Man. When I asked him why he said “ooooooh yeah.”
Bidet
David straddled the bidet directly above the nozzle. Little did he know, a mad scientist had succeeded in transforming city water into acid.
168 Marks on The Ishango Bone
The marks were humble, even gentle in their up and down march on 30,000 year-old fibula …six times ticking off the lunar month.
My inner eye netted her tiny, black hands meticulously aligning the rows so that her menstrual beat merged with the moon’s ballet; and she became the earth’s first mathematician.
Scene
A scene witnessed many times.
A girl I’ve fucked and a girl I’m going to fuck shake hands and I hear “Hi, I’m Mat’s girlfriend.”
Darling
Darling I love everything about you from the top of your precious head to the tip of your perfect toes.
I especially love that muscle clench thing you do with your ass, too.
Lesson Learned
Mom and Dad had always told me to knock on a closed door before going into a room. I thought maybe my closet door didn’t count until the day I opened it and saw the monster I always knew was in there banging a transvestite hooker.
Hobbies
My hobbies include remembering happier times, imagining a successful version of me attending our high school reunion and hoping we find alien life before I die.
C’mon Mars Rover, you can do it!
Frankenstein
Giant Undead Babies. Sounds Interesting…
Moment
She borrowed my pen and a moment loomed.
Next time, next time, next time I’ll speak.
Airlines
The Airline says to secure the airbag on yourself before your children. The Airline was wrong.
Little steps
The way you get to hell is by little steps, so small you can hardly tell you’ve moved at all.
This is also the way you get your girlfriend to try out anal.
Chatter
The fact everyone dies is the one thing that keeps me going.
I hear you chatter and I think … please you next.
Storylines
Many TV series have their storylines altered by actors coming and going.
Do you wonder if it is for the best … for the worst?
In love
At the end, we were in love with other people.
She, with me of the past, me, with she of the past.
SUV
Climate change is real and will result in the ice-caps melting and the oceans rising.
I’m hoping that it all happens in one day and every fucking SUV driving American is at the beach.
The October Widow
At the Halloween party, Mary thought he was just another cute guy in costume. She had no idea she was speaking to a real Genie when she drunkenly admitted there were times she wished her husband was dead.
The Bank Job
Through the shattered window of the bank, the zombie fired off another round of bullets at the police. He knew there was no way they were taking him alive.
Here i am
Ran around, lost my way,found my way, got confused, searched for answers, nothing. Until i found Him, went to Him and said “Father, i’ve come a long way.”