It has been said that the only time when a man doesn’t have a pair of eyes watching over him is when he is making love to his lawfully wedded wife. Only then, the good book said, our guardian angel and the devil turn their heads the other way and only then is a man completely free and alone in the universe; in other words freedom does not exist.
A Brown Life is Better than a Long Life
Big fat Mamas with large potato sacks for breasts keen to wear as little as possible to suck in as many rays as they can.
“I only spent one day at the beach last week” I heard one middle aged lady lying to her friend when asked “How did you get that brown?”
Dream
Do you dream of me?
I dream of you.
The shard
A single shard was all it took to bring a crimson stain, piercing the outer covering and opening up the vein, forcing nerves to do their duty and call upon the brain. Oh, the pain of a pane!
Pants
That deep and meaningful conversation we had was just a ploy to get in your pants.
For a hot night with you I’d even talk like, pro sports or something.
Art on your future self
His job was to foresee the future of the world, but when he tried to do his own’s, its was clear, as the reflection of a vampire. So he started to paint himself as…
Pain Killers
As the lights start flashing from blue, to red, to green, I wonder if I took too much of the medication. As the carpet convulses under my feet, I know I did.
Soulful Life
I was born, safe with a soul that was as whole as it should be. I died with it shattered, fear distorting it to the degree of no hope of repair.
Space dog
Until the end of time I’ll look after you.
My time diamond space dog.
Body Language
She turned toward me and said aloud, “Pass the parmesan cheese please.”
Her eyes however, said, “I hate you, you selfish bastard, for ruining my life.”
Secret poetry
Her secret poetry journal was locked in her secret poetry box deep under the floorboards of her secret poetry house.
She died and we searched but all we found was a field with odd patterns of grass.
Clarity
As we adjusted the painting, her shouting directions and me vainly trying to follow them, I had a sudden blinding flash of clarity about our entire relationship.
I think she only went out with me because sometimes from the side I look a little like Steve Martin and she really loves all his movies.
Alone
“Please don’t leave me here; I hate the dark.” That was the last thing she ever said.
Losers
Losers breed because women have low standards.
C’mon girls – fuck higher up the social hierarchy and breed those motherfuckers out!
Financial Woes
Frustrated, Ronald released a forlorn sigh. Hanging his head in defeat, he placed one more bill on the ever-growing pile.
Weekend
We played real life hangman.
Whaddiyou do?
Every time
Every time I see some documentary where scientists take ice-core samples, I dream about melting down that ancient ice and drinking it.
Every time I see some documentary about genetics I dream about the day I can finally chomp down on a Stegosaurus steak.
Gravestone
Brian Whebe, 1904 – 1972. It’s the “-” that represents his life.
Black Tears
I looked into her eyes in the moonlight and said, “don’t cry, not for me.”
She placed my hand on her wet cheek and replied, “it’s not tears, my love, it’s blood.”
Winning
They say life’s not a race. I’m still winning.