Stalker donned sheepskin. Susie cried, “Wolf.”
—John H. Dromey
Category: Competition
Competition
The End
It was both a gift and a curse that I was with her when she took her last breath.
I truly wanted to be there to comfort her in her last moments, but those empty dead eyes will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Misunderstood
He made a new kind of game with his wit and intellect. Then he made loopholes when nobody could follow the rules.
Remembrance
As he lit the flame, he hoped his smell would linger over her house like an obstinate cloud and infuse itself into every inch of her surroundings.
It was, after all, the only thing she had ever liked about him.
Didn’t ask, won’t tell
I wasn’t lying when I told him I didn’t dance with another man. But he didn’t ask me if I kissed one.
Love At First Sight
“Lust at first sight may be real, but love at first sight is a myth,” I said with self-assurance, to which my grandfather chuckled.
“I was smitten with your Grandma the moment I saw her,” he said with a grin, “and we been married over forty years… I’m fairly sure it ain’t been lust that’s kept us together.”
You Laugh And I Stare And Then I Divorce You
You can’t hate someone who makes you laugh.
You can hate someone who makes themselves laugh.
Useless Labor
I started working and nobody cared. Then I got done — and nobody cared.
Endgame: Affair
It’s been fun babe, but sorry. Your best friend deserves his wife’s fidelity.
I’m not a hero, I’m a fireman
Tomorrow is not guaranteed for any of us.
It’s not an emergency for me, it’s what I am trained to do.
Fun
Who doesn’t want to have pun once in a while? Pun intended.
Either Or
My sister told me that when a cat was purring it either meant they were happy or meant that they wanted me to stop petting them, and this made me both paranoid and annoying to cats.
My sister is a jerk.
He Meant Well
I know my uncle meant well, taking me out for a milkshake to celebrate my sixth birthday.
But he chose that moment to tell me that my father had just died, so I have to wonder – what was he thinking?
Genuine
“I’m naturally ugly — love me for what I am!”
“I want to, really I do, but it would be so much easier if you were naturally beautiful!”
Pet Peeve
I’m sorry, I’m sure you’re a nice guy — it’s just that when you sing to me you make me want to rip a hole in my neck and scream through it and never stop until I run out of breath and lapse into unconciousness.
And if I wake up and find you serenading me, I’ll get really annoyed.
Maturity
I was hungry today, so I cooked a meal.
At last, I am an adult.
My View
Alone, I am the Eagle.
Surrounded, the Snake.
Fascinated
He walked by, tough and rebellious, fierce and independent, like a panther prowling the wild, like the toughest thug in the prison.
And I said “Hold still, I’m gonna read your tattoos!”
Oops/Heavy Metal, If Dropped, Can Be Dangerous To Your Health
And lo, in a burst of passionate headbanging, his head dislocated from his neck and flew off into the crowd.
A fan, thinking the lead singer had thrown it, caught it and treasured it forever.
How Impractical
There’s a dead baby deer in our backyard.
And all we’re thinking about is how to get rid of the flies.