Pet Peeve

I’m sorry, I’m sure you’re a nice guy — it’s just that when you sing to me you make me want to rip a hole in my neck and scream through it and never stop until I run out of breath and lapse into unconciousness.

And if I wake up and find you serenading me, I’ll get really annoyed.

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Rating: 7.9/10 (8 votes cast)

Oops/Heavy Metal, If Dropped, Can Be Dangerous To Your Health

And lo, in a burst of passionate headbanging, his head dislocated from his neck and flew off into the crowd.

A fan, thinking the lead singer had thrown it, caught it and treasured it forever.

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Rating: 7.6/10 (10 votes cast)

Wanted: An Honest Man

I suppose what shocked me was the matter-of-fact way she said, “Why can’t men be who they really are when courting a woman, instead of surprising her with their true selves once married?
I mean really, darling,” she added, setting the teacup down and turning to stare out the window, “It’s getting awfully tiring disposing of the bodies, and I’m simply running out of garden.”

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Rating: 8.6/10 (17 votes cast)

Spilled Champagne

“What I need you to understand is that all my life I’ve been toasting with an empty glass,” Alexa frantically explained to the only man who had ever showed her love, who, frustrated with Alexa’s unrelenting self-doubt, was now the man about to walk out on her. “Now that you’ve filled my glass to the top I’ve got to learn how to hold it,” she said, but it was too late; once the champagne spills, there’s no way to get it back in.

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Rating: 6.5/10 (11 votes cast)

Chaos at the Ballpark

The pitcher threw, the batter swung clumsily, and the bat flew from the player’s inept hands and soared across the crowded stadium at frightening speed.

The spinning rod flew into the stands and the panicked spectators rushed for safety, except for Jim, who looked up from his new video game three seconds too late to see the flying bat moving towards him and at that moment Jim painfully discovered that the new IPad 2 does not make a good shield against fast-moving projectiles.

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Rating: 6.6/10 (8 votes cast)