The Wanderer

The big orange cat tiptoed along the top rail of the fence, all the while watching the yapping Chihuahua on the ground below and anticipating reaching the next yard, where the elderly woman waited with a tasty morsel she had saved just for him, after which he continued his outing to the field where he watched robins pulling fat worms from the damp ground and dreamed of robin for supper, then completed his journey back home to his favorite nap spot.

“Tom, you lazy cat,” she said as she arrived home from work, “I’ll bet you have been sleeping there in the sun all day, haven’t you?”

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 9.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Horrible Nightmare

The horrible repetitive nightmare that I was a human being was driving me crazy, so I consulted a psychiatrist who advised, “Before falling asleep, repeat over and over again what you truly are, and the dream will disappear forever.”

When I went to bed that night, I repeated over and over again, ‘I’m a pepperoni pizza…I’m a pepperoni pizza…”

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 4.8/10 (4 votes cast)


Angels sing their welcome and a golden shaft of light appears as I stare at my killer standing over my body which is sprawled on the floor, blood spatter against the wall in a grotesque portrait. The light pulses allowing me to choose forgiveness or revenge.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast)


After seventeen long days of a trial that had been postponed for two long and brutal years, she finally had her chance to ask the defendant one question that has been burned in her brain since the day she found his body.

“Who the hell gave you the right to play God with my father’s life?” she screamed, crying, as she swatted the taste clean out of the murderer’s mouth.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 8.8/10 (5 votes cast)

The Damned, About To Study Why

“All right class, before we turn on our screens and hear about the great pipeline disaster of 2037, I need you to reach under your seats and bring out your particulate masks. Make sure they’re tight, because Weatherman Jim has predicted a level seven fall this afternoon, and we don’t want any of that nasty stuff to get in our little lungs, now do we?”

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 10.0/10 (4 votes cast)

A Change of Diet

Delighted whales named altruistic Harry their first President when he answered their pleas for caramel-covered popcorn and dumped 1 billion tons of it into the world’s oceans.

When the popcorn caused every whale on Earth to die from morbid obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart attacks, and stokes, Harry was added to the list of assassinated presidents.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 8.3/10 (3 votes cast)

Aussie Man, American Woman

He came from the land down under, to an unfamiliar life in the countryside of a new land full of love and understanding which turned to apprehension. Looking in the mirror one day, he said this is not for me so he left that life and just down the road, he met the love of his life and found his salvation in an American woman.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.5/10 (4 votes cast)

Now that’s what I call potential

“Just my luck that all the soccer moms are dads nowadays, and they still drive minivans,” he bitched to his son as he parked while wiping the foam halo left on his beard from the paper-wrapped tallboy. Maybe I’ll get lucky he thought to himself as he exited his red Chevy Astro,doing his best to hide his “lucky” boner.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast)