The crowd all at once gasped in shock as little chubby-cheeked Blue-eyes suddenly ran past the bride and groom and flung the ring into the lake, pillow and all. “Nice work, chubby-cheeks,” I muttered to the tree I was peering around the edge of, watching intently as the wedding reception turned to chaos, not once taking my eyes off the beautiful bride as I flipped open my wallet and took out the promised ten dollar reward.
Tag: marriage
Wife by Day
Tiffany slid off her ring and set it gently on top of the dresser every night just before going to bed. She was a wife by day; dreamer, by night.
Invisible Chains
For years I dreamt desperately, passionately of escape. Had it always been as simple as just walking out the front door?
Human Flesh
“How did you know you could marry him?”
“During breakfast I told him I didn’t like to eat bacon because the striped fatty bits reminded me too much of human flesh, and he laughed.”
A Bath for Bill
In retrospect, I’d say that travelling was quite similar to using a new bath salt: exciting at first because it’s new and different but then you’ve been in too long and your fingers start to prune and get all nasty just like they do for any other bath you’ve ever taken – but I have to admit, Bill’s excitement to see Barcelona and Santorini, Cairo and Istanbul, Tokyo and Singapore, Auckland and Ushuaia and all those other places I’ve already been to not once but thrice, seems to have reignited an excitement in me that I rendered long gone. Although I desperately long to settle down and stay right where I am for once in my life, Bill gave me the gift of feeling young again – that wondrous excitement of youth – so I suppose the least I can do for my husband is pour in the salt and take a bath with him.
Arrogance
“Well you really made a first-class fool of yourself in there, Scott – you feel good about that?”
“You know what they say, babe – arrogance is bliss!”
Regret
She looked stunning in her white wedding dress, the flowing train shimmering under the morning sunlight.
If only he had treasured that five years ago.
Time Opens New Wounds
After awhile, Stan convinced himself it really had been only a one night stand. Two weeks later, he forgot his wedding anniversary.
Romance
You’ll never see your wife and children
again. So tell us what it was going through your head when you looked into their eyes
and said “no thanks I’ll take the hooker instead.”
The Ironic Move
She waited 15 years to finally have stability and even begged her husband to get a stable job so she could get out of God forsaken Wales – a beautiful country with hardly any crime. Unfortunately, they wound up moving to Houston – an ugly city with nothing but crime.
Marriage
Yes?
No!
Classified
I will exchange my 50-year-old wife for two 25-year-old.
My Husband
My husband decided that we needed to improve our sex life, and then, he blew his brains out with his .45. He was right – our sex life improved drastically!
My Husband
My husband decided that we needed to improve our sex life, and then, he blew his brains out with his .45. He was right – our sex life improved drastically!
The Morning After
On the first morning that Harriet woke up next to the young tan man beside her who barely spoke a word of English, she worried to herself, “Have I made a foolish mistake?”. 35 years of mornings later and she smiled as she watched the sleeping tan man in her life lay next to her, and she reveled in knowing that it was the best foolish mistake she had ever made.
Love is far from blind
The rainstorm had made her makeup run, gotten mud on her shoes, soaked her dress and frizzed her hair.
He knelt next to her muddy shoes with the ringbox in hand, knowing this was exactly the kind of girl he wanted to marry.
Love is far from blind
The rainstorm had made her makeup run, gotten mud on her shoes, soaked her dress and frizzed her hair.
He knelt next to her muddy shoes with the ringbox in hand, knowing this was exactly the kind of girl he wanted to marry.
So easy…
It would be so easy to slit my wrists, to put a loaded gun in my mouth and squeeze the trigger, to drop a live toaster into my bath.
But I just can’t bring myself to give that fucking bitch that much satisfaction.
I’m home
My husband stopped by my room to say hello tonight, as he always did after work. He passed away two years ago.
Mi Rifiuto
She threw the old man’s ring into the weeds of the vacant lot, as her father cursed in Italian in the background. She would marry whom she chose.