I will exchange my 50-year-old wife for two 25-year-old.
Tag: marriage
My Husband
My husband decided that we needed to improve our sex life, and then, he blew his brains out with his .45. He was right – our sex life improved drastically!
My Husband
My husband decided that we needed to improve our sex life, and then, he blew his brains out with his .45. He was right – our sex life improved drastically!
The Morning After
On the first morning that Harriet woke up next to the young tan man beside her who barely spoke a word of English, she worried to herself, “Have I made a foolish mistake?”. 35 years of mornings later and she smiled as she watched the sleeping tan man in her life lay next to her, and she reveled in knowing that it was the best foolish mistake she had ever made.
Love is far from blind
The rainstorm had made her makeup run, gotten mud on her shoes, soaked her dress and frizzed her hair.
He knelt next to her muddy shoes with the ringbox in hand, knowing this was exactly the kind of girl he wanted to marry.
Love is far from blind
The rainstorm had made her makeup run, gotten mud on her shoes, soaked her dress and frizzed her hair.
He knelt next to her muddy shoes with the ringbox in hand, knowing this was exactly the kind of girl he wanted to marry.
So easy…
It would be so easy to slit my wrists, to put a loaded gun in my mouth and squeeze the trigger, to drop a live toaster into my bath.
But I just can’t bring myself to give that fucking bitch that much satisfaction.
I’m home
My husband stopped by my room to say hello tonight, as he always did after work. He passed away two years ago.
Mi Rifiuto
She threw the old man’s ring into the weeds of the vacant lot, as her father cursed in Italian in the background. She would marry whom she chose.
Gold Digger’s Nightmare
When they married, he was four times her age but they got along marvelously. Then some asshole invented Viagra.
Confession
All the other nuns assumed she had joined them because of a shared devotion. She later confessed it was simply because she hadn’t realized that the last man who asked her to marry him would be the last man who asked her to marry him.
The Less-loved
When her childhood crush informed her he was getting married, she felt devastated until he added: “We’ve been together so long, I feel like I owe it to her.” Suddenly, she felt very sorry for his fiancée.
Didn’t ask, won’t tell
I wasn’t lying when I told him I didn’t dance with another man. But he didn’t ask me if I kissed one.
Endgame: Affair
It’s been fun babe, but sorry. Your best friend deserves his wife’s fidelity.
Wanted: An Honest Man
I suppose what shocked me was the matter-of-fact way she said, “Why can’t men be who they really are when courting a woman, instead of surprising her with their true selves once married?
I mean really, darling,” she added, setting the teacup down and turning to stare out the window, “It’s getting awfully tiring disposing of the bodies, and I’m simply running out of garden.”
Postnuptial Depression
My first marriage was a mistake. And it still is.
Marriage
June and I married for money. Ten years later all that was left was being married.
Bribery of a Ring Bearer
The crowd all at once gasped in shock as little chubby-cheeked Blue-eyes suddenly ran past the bride and groom and flung the ring into the lake, pillow and all. “Nice work, chubby-cheeks,” I muttered to the tree I was peering around the edge of, watching intently as the wedding reception turned to chaos, not once taking my eyes off the beautiful bride as I flipped open my wallet and took out the promised ten dollar reward.
Wife by Day
Tiffany slid off her ring and set it gently on top of the dresser every night just before going to bed. She was a wife by day; dreamer, by night.
Invisible Chains
For years I dreamt desperately, passionately of escape. Had it always been as simple as just walking out the front door?