em dash?

He always wondered why a writer like himself constantly felt the need to lengthen a perfectly adequate sentence with an em dash, especially since an em dash coming after something like an “h” or a “b” gives the letter the distinct appearance of sporting a massive erection. Oh—

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Do take some.

At various stages of his life, he had dealt with grief in different ways. As a child he would cry; as a boy he would forget it by playing pointless games; as a teen he would drown it out with music and the everyday life, but nowadays he just wrote stories for strangers to read, hoping selfishly that they would perhaps take some of it away.

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The thing he liked about the Straight Arrow Club was their magazine each month with the college girls in the tiny bathing suits. His father said the club was mostly like the Boy Scouts: TRUSTWORTHY, LOYAL, HELPFUL, that stuff, but at age 16 he papered his room with especially Miss November and Miss July –they had the greatest legs and bazooms.

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