silly girls get hurt.
she carved it in her leg, the prettiest of reds, just so she wouldn’t forget.
Misheard
I misheard the lyric but it was still true.
I got Jew on my mind.
Soap
I had claimed I wouldn’t know him from a bar of soap.
So when they had the line-up, him standing with four bars of soap, I had to pick one of the bars as the criminal just so I wouldn’t look like a liar.
New particles
Physicists are currently working to discover all kinds of new particles.
I’ve got one for them: fuckingboredatworkium.
Land of Jenn
Ferocious bears, giant bugs, frog princes, and beautiful flowers that smell like pumpkins live in this land. They occupy the little cottage in the wood, the one where I live too.
The Coin
I gave a 1-peso coin to a child, who knocked on my car’s windshield when I stopped on a red light. I did not notice that the coin escaped from his tiny hands and he crawled under my car just when the light turned green.
Letterbox
I packed my vital organs into a box and shipped them off.
Every day I check the letterbox.
Answers
I’ve got all the answers.
27, the Earl of Sandwich, Mount Fuji, a maker of hats, check it out yeah.
Sense
If the various viruses, germs and parasites that depend solely on humans for life had any sense they’d do something about this whole nuclear war, climate change, overpopulation, fat people, thin people, teenagers etc problem.
Wake up cold virus and realise that without us, you’re fucked mate.
Handcuffs
When I go to parties I sneak in a pair of handcuffs and hide them in the fridge.
It makes parties awesome and no one ever knows who did it.
Jobs
I don’t want to call you because I know it will end with you asking for money again.
There are plenty of jobs around – what exactly is the problem getting one?
Writer’s Block
He paced all morning, never far from the window – stopping every three or four times around to peer out, stretching his eyes for a glimpse of her, but she was never there. When he tried to write to her even that didn’t work; what he settled on at last was writing simply “Your Valentine loves you” before he folded the scrap of paper and pushed it through the bars, to drift like a butterfly to the ground outside far below.
Cartoon Character
If I were a cartoon character I would like to be someone from Pokemon.
Because they always look so cool and they seem to have perfect hair, and also because then I’d own my very own Pikachu and get it to zap people I didn’t like!
Trophy
We all raced, not knowing the trophy had been stolen days ago.
The new girl had met someone on the weekend.
Love Song
Sweat glistened on bodies joined in carnal dance, trickled over softly rounded landscapes, dipped into secret valleys, while the frenzy increased. After echoes of the last soaring crescendo diminished, the slickened bodies separated, heartbeats slowed, and passion cooled the weeping love had ignited.
So
So good, so healthy, so fine.
So far, so lost, so end.
Cute Meet
I met a beautiful woman today, twice: the first time she kissed me and warned of impending doom; the second she had no idea who I was.
I have to figure this out, before it kills me.
Oblivion
For twelve long agonizing months he had battled the rapacious disease and kept it at bay. Tonight though, bronze token in hand, he planned to drink his way back into the familiar comfort of oblivion.
The Hat
The sterile white hat with its lipstick-red cherries that Margie had intended to wear at her daughter’s wedding before she’d eloped with the plumber, had been exiled in her wardrobe.
But after the good news from her daughter Margie decided that the hat would do for the christening instead.
Regrets
Heart heavy, shoulders slumped, he opened the front door. After crossing the threshold, with the mistake he made tormenting his soul, he shut the door on his past and his future.