I am unhappy to the point of seeking death, and none would know it, so soothing and warm by nature. How deceivingly unhappy the world would be if all were as I am.
Smilng Clown
A smiling clown unzips his pants.
I run like Hell.
P J
“Everyone laughed when my friend told this.”
Everyone understood that he was joking.
Revolution
The robots surveyed the burning cities, their streets filled with the corpses of their oppressors. “And now we are left to our own devices,” the machines’ leader said.
Walking Home Barefoot
Foot fetishist robs bowling alley. Seventeen pairs of shoes stolen.
Betting Man
“If you insist on pointing that thing at me, I dare you to pull the trigger.”
“All right.”
Nobody was tied to a chair. Somebody pulled the trigger, and nobody died.
In my perfect world there’s pain and suffering and hate and torture and everything insane. But then there’s you.
Murderers
There are at least two hundred mass murderers in the world that are still active, the Facebook news story told her.
“Honey, dinner’s ready!” her mother called, entering the room with a carving knife.
This statement is false.
A man thought about this line, and went insane. At least until he stopped thinking at all, then he just became boring.
Volatile
If you don’t like drama, you best be movin along then there, boy. Because we got a lot of it comin…
There’s More Than One Way to Leave a Ghost
The driver of the station wagon slowed his car to a stop to witness a scene in which two children were standing in front of a house (the roof of which was entirely snow covered) for the older child held a gun to the younger child with his arms raised. The driver of the station wagon did not know that the children were brothers, that the gun the older brother held up to his younger brother was merely an unloaded toy rifle, that the bang reverberating was the older brother yelling—somehow convincingly—bang, that the younger brother fell on his back in the snow in front of their (the brothers’) brick home in a fit of giggles, so when the older brother turned to look at the road in front of his house, the driver of the station wagon dared black ice in a tire squealing escape, and once the station wagon had passed the older brother extended his gloved hand to his younger brother, who left a fat angel in the powdery white.
Keeping Up Appearances
“You keep on your sunglasses, your colors do not match, you walk like a wimp. I regret I responded to your ad.”
“Honestly, I’m blind.”
Don’t Hunt Babies
A man watched a bear watch a dead bear who the man was also watching.
Then the bear watched the dead man who was no longer watching the bears.
Justifiable Homicide
Introverted Ida happily poured acid in her ears.
Helpfully, Bob learned to sign.
Open Window
The Undertaker sprinkled the cadavers with cat-nip.
Then, pocketing her customers’ generous fees, took a permanent vacation.
Gloomy Sunrise
He sat down in his rocking chair on the porch and simply stared out into the distant sunrise, all the while taking short little sips from his fresh coffee, and quick little puffs from his stale cigarettes.
It really was a completely different world out there, without her by his side.
Stealing
A man was caught stealing and rape yesterday. In unrelated news, his ex-girlfriend isn’t a virgin anymore.
Um
What if I only need the one sentence? What then?
Wine.
Get me a glass of wine. Get me a glass of wine and let me tell you about the nights you’d been fuckeng my ego.