I don’t believe there are more than six billion people on Earth.
There’s gotta be fifty or sixty people, tops.
Baggage
So, besides all the baggage you’re carrying, what else are you in to?
Ah, collecting more baggage.
Past and future
My past was awesome and my future will be too.
Right now could use a little work.
Feelings
I have never really made my feelings known to you.
So here goes: I love you, little cheese.
High-tech world
I love the high-tech world we live in!
You message telling me it was over was typed in, encoded, relayed off signal towers, detoured via satellite, decoded and displayed and it was wonderful.
Friend
My friend dived deeply into his girlfriend’s relationship and I hardly saw him again.
By relationship I mean “vagina”.
Suggestion
Hey, instead of attempting to make the boring amazing how about we be amazing!
No, ok, fine, sure, whatever.
The split
At the moment I’m about 30% “things being the way I thought they would be”.
The other 70% is split evenly between unexpected delight and dank depression.
Before And After
Before zombies ambushed Santa Claus and ate his brains, he lived in Tahiti, wore a grass skirt, was clean shaven, employed only human union members in his toy factories, used horses to pull a gift-filled buggy, and delivered presents by entering children’s homes through front doors.
After receiving a new brain in a botched operation, he moved to the North Pole, wore only red suits, grew a beard, employed only non-union elves in his factories, used reindeer to pull a gift-fill sleigh, and delivered presents by entering children’s homes through filthy chimneys.
Diary
The saddest book I ever read was your diary.
That’s why I broke up with you loser.
IQ
His IQ and his relative position in life were an example to all that IQ is a bullshit measure.
Her cup size and relative position in life were an example to all in life that cup size is very very VERY important.
Quiet
Um … yes, putting a dog down because you were bored of it is soulless.
My desire to sleep with her kept this thought quiet.
Good days
When you die, they order the days of your life from best to worst and you get to review them at your leisure.
So, when you’re having a bad day, tell yourself that it is inevitable and good days will be coming soon, like I do.
going away
what we’ve got now we’ve got to give it up. but we can’t give up now
Once Upon A Time…
The Evil Witch hated Snow White; Snow White moved in with the Seven Dwarves.
The world has been Grimm ever since.
Accident
I drove past a car accident on the way back from Axedale today.
A car had tailgated me earlier and I had wished they would crash.
Culture
Being in the big city is great for all the culture.
In ten years I think I’ve been to maybe … thirty things that wouldn’t be available in the country.
tb
What does it mean teebee?
Where will you be teebee?
Business Is Business
As the huge pot began to boil, Harry hollered, “I have herpes, syphilis, leprosy, so I’ll taste lousy, not to mention cannibalism causes madness and tribal extinction.”
His non-English speaking captors were entrepreneurs, not cannibals, so they sold the 30 gallons of chunky soup, 150 patties, 28 pounds of jerky and 500 sausages they derived from Harry’s carcass to tribes that were.
Silence
I tried to lie that my silence didn’t mean anything.
She saw right through me.