The SWOOSH as the ball is collected by the force of the tightly angled clubface is enough to make you sigh with relief. Then watching it fly swiftly through the air, before making a sharp right turn toward the trees is enough to make you cringe.
yoshiyahu
The grasshopper
was large,
and still,
and as I got closer
clearly brave
or stoned
because it didn’t move,
even when I was a footfall away.
Then I realized; it had happened to die standing on all six legs.
Writer
Saying you are a writer and being a writer is not the same thing.
One involves a lot of talk, the other involves a lot of bullshit.
Found Her!
The closet was her favorite place to hide when she was little. Now she is twelve and that’s where they found her hanging.
the hanged man
The platform snaps open beneath the man’s brown shoes, and in an instant those shoes disappear as his neck pops against the noose, his feet swinging and clapping together. The crowd about August cheers — or perhaps they only give murmurs of approval; the world awaiting death is oft more quiet than that of life.
Third weekly winner!
Hurro!
The third weekly winner is “Free” by Jean Blasiar. Prize of $50 AUD. Enough to buy a micro-advertisement printed on the wing of a butterfly.
Why I love “Free”
The unknown presumed crime intrigues me. What could possibly happen so one person is free from responsibility yet the other is not? Then what could possibly happen to fill an entire book? I think I imagined some Russian scandal, a 1984-ish world where two party members disagreed and that disagreement lead to betrayal.
I particularly like it for the implied connection between the two people in the story. Perhaps they were friends, co-creators, a team working together to make something great. Then, as some teams do … it all broke down in a flurry of lawsuits and accusations.
Congratulations!
Comma Comma, killer of winners
There are a few stories I love but won’t win because of misplaced commas. I know what they’re trying to say but what they are saying is something else.
I suggest trying out your story (and all writing in general) sans commas to see if it still is correct. Peppering needless commas in the place of mental pauses is incorrect.
If you are using commas parenthetically, like this, then you need to ensure if the phrase enclosed within commas was removed the sentence is still correct.
– You might notice a “that” could be added to the above sentence. But would this improve the comprehension of the sentence? This is the purpose of grammar – to improve and enhance comprehension.
“Commas,” said Mathew, “go inside quotation marks when writing dialogue.”
“Certainly,” said the three-toed sloth, not looking up from the chessboard.
Enough grammar. Wikipedia’s comma article is a good read.
I’ve struggled with awarding prizes to fantastic stories that have a grammatical problem. My writer half says chill out and award it with a corrected version below. My editor half is strict and wants to karate-chop anyone committing a grammatical error (myself included). Should I privately write back to the author and show them how to improve their work? Or should I do so publicly so everyone can learn from it? Argh, I don’t know. Suggestions welcome.
BIG prizes next week!
Next Sunday I’ll be awarding a $150 first prize, a $100 second prize and a $50 third prize!
All stories entered up to 6pm Sunday 1st March (Australian East coast time) are eligible for prizes. Write write write! Swamp the site!
Clarification: (because clarity is what good writing is all about) — ALL entries for the entire competition time and all new entries are eligible for the grand prizes. That means an entry from weeks ago can win and one submitted at three minutes to six on March 1st can win!
Cheers,
Mat
Patriotism
The bullet ripped through his camo,
knocking him down.
He closed his eyes and pondered what the definition of a country really was.
Only One
Sometimes one sentence is enough to express your feelings.
Not now.
Ratio
In the beginning the ratio of conversation to access to your wet hot pussy was quite good.
In the end it was way tilted out of balance.
Typewriter
As soon as I saw Typewriter girl I knew she would be mine.
She really pushes my buttons.
Marketing girl
I attributed all kinds of complex motivations to your behaviours and spent a long time working out how to work with you.
Then I realised I just needed to shake something shiny in your eyeline and you’d get distracted and totally forget all that marketing bullshit.
Writing
Staring at my plate, waiting for inspiration.
I know – a story about … plates.
Cat
Did the cat know it would die that day it slipped over the neighbour’s fence?
Did it commit suicide because it couldn’t stand living with us anymore?
Pets
I travelled forward in time, eager to see what we had made of the world.
I turned up, found humans ruling everything and immediately went back with a mission to kill each and every single one of our going-to-get-too-big-for-their-collar pets.
Haikus
“Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don’t make sense
Refrigerator”
Quit
I quit!
I did!
Singer
She made her away towards the stage, her heart beating like crazy, her legs felt like jelly and her hands just wouldn’t stop shaking. She stood there and stared at all the people staring back at her, then she opened her mouth and sang her song, and everyone was entranced by her voice and the lyrics that she had written.
Metronome
I imagine the waves crashing rhythmically against the shore, magnificent and powerful, crashing and waning, crashing and waning, but now the rhythm takes on a melancholy feeling and the desperation creeps back and the crashing waves become a drum beat and the drum beat becomes a heartbeat and I feel panicked and lonely. Damn it!
Awesome
Add any of the following to any situation and it is immediately more awesome.
Zombies, monkeys, robots, lasers.
Masterpiece
The Deathly Hallows.
Simply a masterpiece.