The auteur inserted a line into the Wikipedia synopsis about how his film employed non-traditional storytelling techniques, frustrating some critics. He made sure to include a link for credibility’s sake, then toggled tabs and refreshed the movie review aggregator page three more times.
A Word Worth a Million
Hollywood blockbuster movie beat all time records. The screenwriter was inspired by a guy who put his thoughts in two sentences.
Ex-girlfriends
“How are your ex-girlfriends doing?” ask my friends innocently. “They all committed suicide shortly after they left me.” I answer.
The Step-Father
Evil stepfathers tend to make two related mistakes in their lives: 1. beat and bully you when you are 10 and too young to defend yourself 2. beat and bully you purely out of habit when you are 17. My step-father made both mistakes.
The lollipop-man
I stopped my car in front of the lollipop man helping a long queue of kids crossing the road. Just when I stepped on the gas pedal did I notice that the kids were being ushered into a restaurant called Young Meat.
At 26 years old is it weird that I find nothing more comfortingn than my mother’s touch? You may find it weirder that when died giving birth to me.
Hindsight 20/20
I looked down at the last sentence I had written on the damage report. “In retrospect, breaking up with her while driving wasn’t exactly the best idea.”
Better Off Without Me
I guess I was right about our kids being better off without me. I can still hear them laughing even after I’ve killed them.
Dumb Ways To Die
My mom watches kids in a daycare and there is a 4 year old boy and his little sister who is 3 months old. Today I saw him singing “Dumb Ways To Die” to her, as he shook her back and forth really fast. when I told him to stop he covered her mouth and nose with his hand. I pulled him away from her and he said “she’s MY baby!” …
Atypical Beverage Proclivity
Blood inched its way down my forearm and stained her glistening teeth.
I always hated her tea parties.
Telling
Telling someone was out of the question. If there was an expiration date on amnesty, it was way past.
Reign Rain
The rain was beating on the tent like it had a personal vendetta against us. It was going to win since the beating was leading to a torrent.
Desert
It was not the heat of the desert I feared. On this tenth day it was the bitter night time cold that would be my undoing.
Psychic Visions
As a psychic, people always think that the most disturbing vision I’ve experienced was that of my own death. Let me tell you–the vision of my birth was far more traumatizing.
Stolen
Our eyes catch. My heart fights to get away.
Back
We hid it in the basement when I started having nightmares. Standing outside my room, a doll never looked so lifelike.
Stab me now
I don’t feel the same way is what she told me. I would rather you stab me is what I thought.
Freaks of knifes
During an unforgettable one-night-stand the girl revealed she fantasized about a knife being part of the foreplay. When I asked her who should hold the knife, she answered: “I already am.”.
Classified
I will exchange my 50-year-old wife for two 25-year-old.
Scared
I wasn’t afraid of the noises until I noticed. At night, the nurses came in pairs.