A disfigured fiend, a horrid malformed monster creeping across the Internet seeking only to inflict misery, happened upon Twosentenceland, and, enjoying it, stayed put. There, the unhappy, nightmarishly bored monster scratched and clawed at the ratings of Twosentencelanders who only looked for enteraintment and fun and creativity, and wanted desperately for the troll to have its fucking head run over by an eighteen wheeler.
Banana Catastrophe
Starving on the drive home as usual, Jennifer briefly wondered why she had waited until the merge to peel and eat her banana. She stopped wondering about this as soon as she was decapitated in the fiery crash that ensued.
You Really Should Be More Careful About Your Teeth….
“Grinding your teeth is really going to destroy your teeth,” the dentist said lecturing her patient. The stress caused by this revelation caused the patient to clamp his teeth shut, cracking two of them down to his gums.
zombie hangover part 6
I thought maybe I’d want to eat people, as they do in the movies. Everyone was dead though, and when I bit into my wife, she hardly flinched, and I was not satiated because the dead had nothing for the dead.
Chelsea, Tabitha, and Mrs. Renfrew
“I’ll never be married,” mused the middle-aged woman as she sipped on free champagne and watched with shameful bitterness as a toddler in a tuxedo chased a group of newborn ducks. “I’m going to become one of those angry spinsters who’s mean to children and gives her cats people names.”
The thing in the window
Mary had never been scared to walk alone at night through the halls of the hundred-year-old psychiatric hospital, knowing that it had always been “a good place,” where patients were treated with kindness and respect even in its earliest days. But that all changed the night Yvette showed her the third-story window, where no staff or patients were currently housed, and through which a ghostly light could be seen on some nights silhouetting a human-like form.
The thing in the hall
Alison shut her eyes hard and covered her face with her hands, forcing the image of the thing at the end of the hall out of her brain and silently repeating over and over again that such a thing could not exist. She was certain the apparition would be gone the moment she opened her eyes, but instead she saw with horror that it was now inches from her face.
“There’s a SNAKE in the bed!!!!!!”
Pat was positive his wife was insane when she jumped out of bed at 2 am screaming about a snake. Telling her to shut up, he climbed into bed just as the snake sunk its venomous teeth into his neck.
zombie hangover part 5
The five-day Monopoly marathon was over, there was still nothing to do, undead or otherwise, so I tried to get drunk; obliterated, actually. But when your blood no longer pumps and your stomach and liver and brain can no longer be flooded with vodka, you are doomed to an eternity of crushing sobriety, and that, in the end, is the worst part of being a living dead.
Did You Take Your Shoes Off???
His extreme, almost psychotic, OCD had finally broken her. Without saying one word, without so much as grabbing her wallet, she walked out of the house and left her husband forever.
Zombie hangover part 4
Unsure of what to do after the fever passed and we no longer hungered for human flesh and brains and blood, we broke out the Monopoly board. With no use for sleep, with no need to piss or shit, and with no desire for food of any kind, we played and played and played; three days later, I had hotels on the orange properties.
Domesticity
Her trembling hand swiftly grabbed the closest weapon as her red-clouded mind processed that he, again, had left the trash out. Her fingers, bloodied from their maniacal grip on the obsessively sharpened shears, opened to pick up the spatula instead-she still needed her iTunes fixed.
zombie hangover part 3
I lumbered back to my home and wondered as I walked, is this the way I move now? When I walked through the open door, there stood my family, equally perplexed by their new lifeless bodies, with the word “undead” hanging on their lips.
zombie hangover part 2
My face within inches of the broken mirror, I stroked my dead, gray skin and was grateful that, for however long I’d wander the earth in this post-life state, I wouldn’t have to shave. And my hair — my hair was intact.
so meta, man
The writer wrote a two-sentence story not worth writing. You read the writer’s writing and wondered why he’d written the thing that we wrote.
zombie hangover
I refused to believe what I had become, or what I had done, until I found the cracked mirror on the sidewalk among the silenced wreckage once known as Derwood, Maryland. There I was, growling involuntarily, staring back at a gray-skinned fiend with milky green eyes, blood crusted around my cracked lips, and more of the red stuff soaking my formerly pristine white T-shirt.
Route 198
Camile thought nothing of the four figures walking together at the side of the road, other than perhaps it wasn’t the safest idea in the middle of the night with only headlights to illuminate the road. It was only when she glanced to the left that she saw the graveyard that stretched into the darkness, and when she looked again for the figures they were gone.
Nora stared at the grotesque statue embedded in the rough-hewn facade of the seaside fortress, transfixed by its hideous mouth frozen in a silent scream. As if offended by the tourist’s disgusted gaze, the stony monster who had once been still suddenly jutted out from the weather-beaten wall and with its blackened teeth took a bite of Nora’s face.
Where Are We Going Anyway?
“How much further?” the cab driver asked as he passed a sign indicating they were 100 miles outside of town. His passengers only response was to press the revolver harder against the cabbies skull.
Family Party Ruined
Kenny Darter thought he was having fun by tossing broken bits of peanuts at his friends as they sat around the table. His friends decided their only option for revenge was to take the newly expectant fathers face off and wear it.