Here is a clue to the meaning of life.
Think penguins in big hats and you’re halfway there.
Category: Two Sentence Stories
Jam
If you were a jar of jam, I bet your lid wouldn’t pop when I opened you.
You’ve been opened before, like lots of times right?
Party
Another sign you are getting old.
When you go from being invited to your neighbours’ parties to getting a note in the letterbox telling you there is a party and “they’ll try to keep it down!!!”
Engine
A man jumped from the roof today, landing in a spray of cogs and springs and spurting oil.
His engine beat twice more then seized forever.
Flashback
Isn’t it strange how situations can occur that flash us right back to an earlier experience?
Just yesterday I was trying to fit a tiny cowboy hat on a distinctly unimpressed goldfish and I suddenly thought of our first date.
Writer
Usually I say I write when people ask me what I do at work.
Actually, I write, I surf the web, I think about wasted time, I try to stop myself feeling bored, I laugh with the guys I work with, I resist the chiming calls from the back of my brain to just quit, just quit, just quit, just quit, just quit, justquitjustquitjustquit…
Cold
My feet are cold.
Just like my hear…mwah ha ha heart.
Resistance
I hid behind a fence and watched the patrol cruise on by.
The resistance is building and soon we will strike back at our furry masters.
Be me
I wonder about those writers who write the words I see people on TV saying.
I wonder if one day that could be me.
Cutie-pie
I want to bake a cutie-pie.
Three cuties, skin off and sliced please.
Huddle
As we huddled next to the fire, our huddling turned to closeness which turned to kissing which turned to extreme kissing which turned into a night of passion.
I confess I brought on that ice-age so you’d huddle with me.
Misheard
I misheard the lyric but it was still true.
I got Jew on my mind.
Soap
I had claimed I wouldn’t know him from a bar of soap.
So when they had the line-up, him standing with four bars of soap, I had to pick one of the bars as the criminal just so I wouldn’t look like a liar.
New particles
Physicists are currently working to discover all kinds of new particles.
I’ve got one for them: fuckingboredatworkium.
Letterbox
I packed my vital organs into a box and shipped them off.
Every day I check the letterbox.
Sense
If the various viruses, germs and parasites that depend solely on humans for life had any sense they’d do something about this whole nuclear war, climate change, overpopulation, fat people, thin people, teenagers etc problem.
Wake up cold virus and realise that without us, you’re fucked mate.
Answers
I’ve got all the answers.
27, the Earl of Sandwich, Mount Fuji, a maker of hats, check it out yeah.
Jobs
I don’t want to call you because I know it will end with you asking for money again.
There are plenty of jobs around – what exactly is the problem getting one?
Handcuffs
When I go to parties I sneak in a pair of handcuffs and hide them in the fridge.
It makes parties awesome and no one ever knows who did it.
Trophy
We all raced, not knowing the trophy had been stolen days ago.
The new girl had met someone on the weekend.