Category: Two Sentence Stories

I am the fourth pig.
Check out my uranium house.

Chomp my neck!
Bite my toes!

I threw a piano off a house-roof today.
Only five more new year resolutions to go!

Log into my website.
Smashed the place right up.

When you’re surrounded by assholes there is only one thing to do!
Lube up baby.

I found the middle of nowhere and after that I travelled until I found the middle of somewhere.
Turns out the only real difference between them is that one serves Pepsi and the other Coke.

Every time you ask for money you derail my plans a little more.
I didn’t not go overseas because work was really busy, ok?

It finally happened!
Zompocalypse!

Wonder whose stage you’re strutting.
Not mine, not hers, not his.

Oh, Cousin Junkie, you and your crazy exploits!
Stealing all of Grandma’s rings while we were at her funeral – classic Cousin Junkie!

Outside my house is a giant piece of cheese sitting on a metal plate.
Very tempting it is, too.

A cup of snow dissolves down into less than a cup of water.
After something changes, it is always lesser, and more, simultaneously.

The big green monster with the apple eyes?
Yeah, it’s all part of my plan.

No matter how bad you feel it is nothing compared to how bad a snail feels when he has lost his shell.
All nude and whatnot, the gentle breeze playing across his slimy skin – now that’s feeling bad.

I recall that you asked me if you went crazy would I still like you.
I said yes, but then I found out it was a line from a song, so no.

You want to know another secret?
I went out with you just so I could see what huge double-D breasts were really like (they were ok).