Category: Two Sentence Stories

Do you ever think sugar doesn’t actually come from sugar cane?
What if it’s people?

I think I know why I despise vegans so much.
They are practically as far away from being a zombie as possible.

I defeated my demons.
B6 sank their battleship.

They love you for your brains and your stamps.
Zombie postal worker.

You think you look fat in those pants?
How about you take them off and I’ll give you a second opinion?

I decided to invest my spare cash in body fat rather than shares.
When the famine comes then we’ll see who’ll be laughing.

He was Australian but he had an American accent.
He was thirty but he had spent two weeks in America when he was sixteen.

I’d like to be a pirate.
But then I’d be a pirate-ninja-zombie-lawyer-hippie-chef and that would be stupid.

I have a catalogue of every beautiful thing that exists.
(You’re on page 388372.)

Fucking Australia and all the fucking obsession with fucking sport!
“Some football player has sustained a papercut and is in doubt for this weekend, also three billion people have died from an unknown virus, BUT AGAIN, SOME FOOTBALL PLAYER HAS SUSTAINED A PAPERCUT!”

He claimed he like jazz.
He only said it to sound cool.

Yes we spent months hollowing out giant rocks and fitting them with tiny video screens.
Yes we’re preparing for something but it’s a secret.

I’ve changed the variables I use to measure my life.
Currently I’m scoring in blog posts.

I’m not going to change my mind.
Besides, I think it’s out of the warranty period.

They said they expected high performance.
Sure, I can steal stuff off Wikipedia better than anyone I know.