Driving home, I made up the most incredibly cool rap song.
Unfortunately there’s no paper and pens in the car so I guess I’ll just have to stay being a banker.
I know we just met but let me just say straight up that I think we’ll make awesome online friends.
We’ll have to stop seeing each other in real life of course.
We have taught each other so much in the time we’ve spent together.
You’ve taught me about love and hope and justice and I’ve taught you about lentils and parachute pants and how to fold little paper dogs out of any spare scrap you find.
I shall turn on the hot water tap.
And there shall be clouds.
As the pieces rolled down the assembly lines I think I saw the construction robots pause just a little.
If they understand they are building ConstructorBotV2.5 then I think we’ve got trouble coming.
After all my years in poverty I decided to get real and expose myself.
Now I’m rich, shivering and cold and wishing I could take it all back.
Quantum physics tells us that two particles can entangle and then act as one, miles apart, simultaneously.
I wish other stuff was Quantum.
A fact: people are soluble in water.
You can be a puppet with strings or a puppet with a hand up your ass.
Things they never tell you about adult working life.
I thought I had an endless supply of slim gold bars of love to hand around with reckless abandon.
Imagine my surprise to turn up to my warehouse to find it sold, a dingy coffee-house in its place.
Your detritus is spread from one side of the web to another.
Clean up your trail, I’m sick of finding traces of you.
There was a terrible malfunction on the flight, everything went black and I ended up here.
I’m covered in blood, screaming and I’ve got the terrible feeling I’m going to have to go through puberty again.
After the gingerbread man came to life do you think the baker made another?
Did he make himself a wife?
We made the biscuits and shipped them off to those poor kids overseas.
We made love and thought highly of ourselves.
Your God-cake is not bad.
“Every slice is a trip to Heaven” is a little bit too much though.
I didn’t lie to my wife about the night out.
I mean, they’re not really strippers if they arrive naked, right?
I rang a share house once to see if the room was still available.
Three years later when I met the girl who would become my wife she turned out to be the girl who said “sorry it got taken over the weekend”.
Kidnap the dog and dye it red.
Do this for me.
I give you feeble excuses not because I fear the truth would destroy you, but because I fear it would destroy me.
Or maybe it would destroy the neighbour, I don’t know.