my teacher asked me to think of 25 ways to use a yardstick. so then, i jumped out of my feet, grabbed a yardstick, went back in time, killed jesus, started my own religion, called yardstiKyians, which then was the only religion, and then i became god, known as yardstick.
After you quit smoking, lost forty pounds through rigorous dieting and exercise, eradicated your debt, and even taught yourself to play the piano, it became very clear that you possess the will of a God.
But I’m sorry – you can’t will me to love you.
Grant me god.
Grant me now.
Best, most satisfying invention, like ever?
Vagina – by God.
I turned my back on the lessons of the Lord.
I decided to by ruled by my heart.
what do the Gods ask?
how the hell would i know?
God is great!
So is pizza!
I pray to robot god.
I know I’m a disgusting meat machine but I can do better!
When I felt most deeply moved by the Holy Spirit my loved ones told me that was not where God wanted me. They were right: He doesn’t exist.
Your God-cake is not bad.
“Every slice is a trip to Heaven” is a little bit too much though.
I roamed a post-apocalyptic wasteland, fighting off flesh-stealers and night-breathers and seeking, always seeking the pure water of God.
What did you get up to?
I like vampires, I like giants, I like elves, I like unicorns, I like griffins, I like astronauts, I like walking trees, I like virgins, I like dragons, I like mermaids, I like jews, I like banana bread, I like centaurs, I like demons, I like God, I like butter, I like girls like you.
I like anything mythical, made up, imaginary and completely fantastical.
Who Among You…
Many years ago, God stood before the angels—“Who among you will be this man?” he asked, his voice echoing through the heavens… but no angel spoke forth; all were silent as he said, “Will no one be this man’s soul that many on earth may know love and peace and fire and passion?—but the angels remained silent, not a breath was heard, and God said, “I have given you free will that I may never remove it from you and yet not one among you will fulfill this man’s destiny… become the fire within him?”—and as God looked out over the crowd of angels, all glimmering and golden in His light, a voice cried out from far and deep into the multitude saying, “Sorry, father… but I will go to Earth and be this man’s spirit; surely I will”; and God said, “Why did you hesitate, my son, to speak amid the others?”—and the angel, whose name is unknown, replied, “Well, Father, as you have spoken in the beginning, so too did Ye speak the speed of sound… and even Your voice can travel only so fast”; and then the angel, who was small in stature but just as brilliant as the others, approached God and knelt before him, saying, “My Father”; to which God replied, “My son,” and then one final time asked him the question, “Are you certain?…”
In a small Austrian town near the German boarder a child is born who possesses great fire and passion in his soul… who was born on the date 20 April 1889… And the man’s name is…
But you already know.
We crossed paths, you and I, and we shared something forbidden and divine. Today we fight ourselves with stones and clubs and vulgar slurs, and we grunt and swagger before lines drawn in the sand; but the sin of our crossed paths has become our strongest tribute… our instinctive force… our steadfastness and triumph over adversity… and our testament to the creator, whose cauldron is a sphere that spins and travels through His workshop, and His legacy is a small and brooding race.
We’re living page 330 of Gravity’s Rainbow! exults Schroeder to Lorelei as they caper on the cold stone of a burgeoning dawn. Brockengespenstphänomen, their shadows stroke rivers and its communities, caress the fields of that rolling country.