Neil Armstrong said you can be whatever you want if you apply yourself.
I want to be a monkey.
Popular toy
I nearly vomited.
Their HEADS were POTATOES!
So Much for the Stage Manager’s Hook
The winner handcuffed himself to the podium and, with his free hand, got out a scroll that unrolled to the floor. “I’d like to thank…”
There is a difference
I’m not lonely.
I’m just alone.
the worst critic, i project onto you
i heard the lock in the door and realized the only judgment i should let matter should be mine. judging even the previous sentence, i drive myself crazy.
Frankfurt
If I ever go to Frankfurt I think I shall make a joke about the name.
Then I’ll feel dumb for being so cliché.
Switch
No dimming that switch mister!
We need the sunlight.
Straight-A student
I got my hepatitis test results back today. I’m still a straight-A student!
Sometimes
It wasn’t all bad.
Sometimes she made food.
At least it’s exercise
I raced up the flight of stairs two at a time. Upon reaching the top, I promptly forgot why I needed to go upstairs to begin with.
Publish America will accept anyone’s manuscript
It be true, I is so literit. Proof be that I gots a book accepted by Publish America so’s you know I be a smaht riter.
This time with feeling
A trip to the park with you is always a treat. This time we got exactly what we wanted.
trust
i got to spend time with you. it only costed me my families trust and $40.
Why the Annual SPECTRE Banquet Is So Poorly Attended
2000 volts coursed through his chair and fried him. “You know the penalty for spilling Pinot Noir on our silk tablecloth,” said Number One.
Bag
A bag of bananas is very expensive.
It doesn’t hold much, either.
Spoonful
I put a spoonful of dirt into my mouth.
Yes, I can see how you didn’t like this, I said.
Agricultural Words
A writer is like the farmer who grazes his words and prepares them for market.
An editor is like the butcher who hacks the stories up into savory morsels for the reader’s consumption.
Silence
Silence is never understood .
If so , you wouldn’t wait to read my next sentence .
A Joke
I can’t meet you today,I need to study.
Next moment she was smiling at the joke.
Earthworms
You agree the earthworms don’t know you exist?
Well, you’ve got to get out and make an effort.