The night is yours.
May I visit?
Confession of Truth
She didn’t say “I told you so,” as I had expected but I could see the glint in her eye when I recounted my tail that betrayed her amusment. I never thought that loosing my girlfriend could be so entertaining.
Youth
I am not wasting my youth, I protested to her.
IT’S ALREADY WASTED!
Mother on the phone
The bored little girl, fed up of sitting still, walked over to her mother who was talking about ovens on the phone and asked why Peter could not climb trees.
After describing her ideal oven to her friend, her mother replied, “because Peter is a fish.”
Grandma
The guttural voice chanted “the restless dead weary of their bondage”.
It’s Grandma on the phone!
Deodorant
I shook the can of deodorant.
A tiny voice yelled, stop it!
Truthfully illustrated
Photo credit: Boston Bill
His photostream
Dead Skunk
She sat on the side of the road, staring at the body, flattened and bloodied by her oversized SUV, wondering if she should call someone or just leave and try to get the smell of the creature off of her. She felt bad in a way, because after all, every creature has it’s redeeming qualities, but he had cheated on her with her own sister, so of course, he had to die.
Ideal
At my job I have the ideal situation!
Work about thirty minutes a day and no drug tests!
Cubicles
Cubicles make my pussy so wet.
More phrases an office-worker will never hear.
Smiled
I smiled.
And she cried.
Mind-reader
I can see into your mind.
Kirk is NOT better than Picard!
Secret
My deepest secret.
On sale now!
Interruptions
As soon as she got an awesome idea for the short story contest and sat down to write, her dogs came to her begging to be taken out yet again. She looked over at her husband who was sleeping on the couch like he had been all day and thought, how will I ever get anything done like this?
Recovering
SO there were drinks at your house with all your friends.
Recovering well, I see.
Bliss In Your Eyes
I once saw bliss in your eyes which saved me from my demise. But needing you made me realize that loving you made me hollow inside.
One Way or Another
A mountain climber travelled ahead in time and began to climb of Mount Everest, but halfway up he discovered the body of a man who resembled him—same clothing, same face—lying frozen in the snow. The climber removed from the dead man’s pocket a delicate gold pendant, which he placed around his own neck, and then continued up the mountain, finally reaching to the summit of Everest on his second try.
Nervous Chatter
“So, essentially, I think time travel is a real possibility, despite the Casimir effect, if we can develop a self-directed artificial intelligence and send it through a natural wormhole in space, because over time it could travel to earth and build a stable artificial portal,” he rambled.
“Have you ever BEEN on a first date before?” she asked.
You Go First
“You go first,” said the young girl with fear in her voice. “OK. But this is the last time, ” replied her sister, for the last time.
Promise
“I swear… I’ll never lay another hand on you again. I promise.”