Big Stories in Two Little Sentences
Delighted whales named altruistic Harry their first President when he answered their pleas for caramel-covered popcorn and dumped 1 billion tons of it into the world’s oceans.
When the popcorn caused every whale on Earth to die from morbid obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart attacks, and stokes, Harry was added to the list of assassinated presidents.
You can pretty much divide life into two parts.
Pre-getting fucked and post.
He left the dinner table to take the call, but she still heard him say “We’re a go for Epsilon Omega.”
When he returned to the table the building across the street exploded, and she glared as he said, “What, that’s a coincidence!”
In the queue for existence, the Antichrist missed being born a human by one space, and instead was born a mosquito. He was smited by a roaming insecticide sprayer in the month of May, in the year of our Lord 2008.
Without identity, there is no consequnce, but with identy, there is no mystery. which side am I on?
So I did it and you know what?
The world is still the same!
You are half right about what I said.
I did say “until death” but I wasn’t talking about me.
He came from the land down under, to an unfamiliar life in the countryside of a new land full of love and understanding which turned to apprehension. Looking in the mirror one day, he said this is not for me so he left that life and just down the road, he met the love of his life and found his salvation in an American woman.
I understand completely that you love me.
But do you obsessively write about me in little notebooks that will be found after your death?
You’ll never see your wife and children
again. So tell us what it was going through your head when you looked into their eyes
and said “no thanks I’ll take the hooker instead.”
“Just my luck that all the soccer moms are dads nowadays, and they still drive minivans,” he bitched to his son as he parked while wiping the foam halo left on his beard from the paper-wrapped tallboy. Maybe I’ll get lucky he thought to himself as he exited his red Chevy Astro,doing his best to hide his “lucky” boner.
The flight seemed to take forever and one of the chicks was getting quite annoyed.
Finally, after 20 hours of flying south, the ducks arrived safe and tired in their nest.
18 year old, 19 year old, 9 months pregnant, all holes, army, audition, banana, barely legal, bed sex, big nipples, bondage, bottle, braces, caning, chained, classy, corset, cute, doggystyle, drooling, dyed hair, electrified, face fucked, fat teen, fitness, foursome, gagged (bite or ball), gloves, hairy arms, hitch hiker, housewife, insertion, jeans, jungle, kitchen, Korean, lactating, lezdom, lollipop, machine fucking, massage, mouthful, nun, nurse, nympho, oldy, oriental, pale, pedal pumping, police, ponyplay, POV (point of view), pregnant teen, pussypump, red bottom, riding, rubber, satin, schoolgirl, skinny, speculum, submissive, tickling, tricked, uniform, university, vacuum torture, waitress, whip, wired pussy, xmas, young.
Oh, and true love.
She took the training wheels off of her daughter’s bicycle that morning, knowing she would have to give her a push later to get started and then let her child ride or fall, while she held her breath, watching.
“Wheeeeeee, Mom, this is fun!”
Jogging down the trail, in the green of spring, I saw a beautiful cluster of butterflies in the path. As they gracefully fluttered off at my approach a startled laugh escaped at the realization that even a butterfly’s got to eat a little crap now and then.
She waited 15 years to finally have stability and even begged her husband to get a stable job so she could get out of God forsaken Wales – a beautiful country with hardly any crime. Unfortunately, they wound up moving to Houston – an ugly city with nothing but crime.
I miss you.
I am Cupid and I say who falls in love, not you.
The English Alphabet
There are two absolutes that are brought to bare on the written English Alphabet. Who, specifically, determined the 26 symbols for writing it and its infinitesimal usage.
I found pictures of me sleeping on my phone. Ilive alone.
I found pictures of me sleeping on my phone. Ilive alone.